Category Archives: peeking in your windows.

Imma Offend Me Some Homophobes (and lose some followers)

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Warning:  This rant was set off (again) by this article : http://www.latimes.com/business/money/la-fi-mo-ellen-degeneres-20121207,0,4519751.story

You can choose to be offended by what I am about to write, by my personal opinion but frankly I do not give one-single-fuck.

I do not care if you will not like me anymore, if you’ll “unfriend” me, or if you’ll stop following this blog.  Frankly, if you’re a hate filled asshole then I’d rather you dropped off.

I’m not apologizing, fuck off.

Hi, my name is Sarah.  I am pro LGBT rights.  Two chicks getting married isn’t going to impact MY relationships.  Two dudes getting married isn’t going to impact MY relationship.  Christ, if they REALLY want to be in a sexless, miserable relationship that costs waaaay too much money to get out of, they can join the damned club. (joke)  It doesn’t impact MY life, MY morals, MY relationship.

I am a straight woman for gay rights.

I am a mother for gay rights.

I am a human-being for EQUAL rights.

I am sure as hell not going to stop shopping at a store because they have a *gasp* lesbian as a spokesperson. You’re not going to catch gay from clothes, at least not from ‘Penneys (joke).  Hell, she’s funny as shit, I might shop there more if she keeps being funny.  When I saw this article, I was appalled.  It makes me angry.  It makes me want to kick some people in the head.  What the hell is wrong with people?

Now normally, I don’t particularly get all riled up about some stupid right wing group shitting their little panties about something, but this one just irritated me.  It got me to thinking, it really stirred some thoughts, and I have some questions.  Okay.  Maybe they’re not questions, maybe they’re rhetorical questions, because frankly, I don’t want to hear the answers.

Christians.  This one is for you.

{Disclaimer: Okay, I know many, many Christians of every denomination that are not hate-mongers.  There are some very loving people out there that are NOT included in this rant.  If I do offend someone of the Christian faith, I do apologize, but I have to get this off of my chest.)

Hey.  So.  Most of the assholes we all see in the news protesting gay-rights, or just gay-people-existing, are Christians.  Very, VERY, conservative Christians.  What the hell guys?  I was brought up Lutheran, I spent waaaay too much time in my church, and I don’t ever remember my pastor saying you should hate gay people, that you should boycott companies that support gay rights, that you should be a general asshole and run your mouth against gay rights (which by the way, it gets old).  I don’t remember that part.  Maybe my church was special.  Or maybe my innocent-child-mind didn’t absorb hate speech.  What I learned from Church, The Bible and Sunday School was to LOVE one another.  To be KIND.  I don’t remember hate.

So tell me.  Pleeease explain to me why Gay people are bad.  How does a gay couple getting married “destroy the sanctity” of marriage?  Explain.  I can’t see how a gay couple getting married destroys anything, hell if anything, blame ME, I got divorced.  Hell, if I could go back in time, I’d divorce his ass AGAIN.

Even if you believe that it’s “not right” or a “sin” (have you seen what heterosexual people do in a club!?), why be an asshole? Aren’t you supposed to LOVE others?  If you honestly believe it’s a sin, shouldn’t you forgive?

Hell.  If you want to be a giant-homophobic-asshole, be one, don’t shop at JCPenney’s, don’t attend a gay marriage, don’t be gay.  Then the “horrific, sinful, GAYs” won’t affect your life.  Unless your kid is gay.  But that’s a whole other ballgame.  What other people do with their lives, doesn’t directly affect yours.  I don’t care what you say, it doesn’t.  If “gay marriage” is legal in every-god-damned-state, guess what? It’s still marriage.  Your marriage or lack there off hasn’t changed, won’t change.

I do not get it.

Just STOP being assholes.

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Writer’s Block and Assorted Rants

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Sometimes my fingers itch to write so bad but there’s nothing there.  I’ll have so many ideas throughout the day, but as soon as I sit down, pick up my pen, open my book, my brain goes dead.  All I can think is “I have to remember to start the dishwasher tonight” or “Thumbs needs a brushing again” or even worse, “Dora Dora DORA the EXPLORER!”

That last one makes me want to put my head through my laptop.

Then set myself on fire.

Writer’s block is part of my cycle.  I have days where I could write all day and I fill my journal and books with all sorts of nonsense.  The blogs get published and the ideas keep coming.  Then eventually the cycle dies off and I’m brain dead again.  Stress has a huge role in it.  If I’m really busy at work, mentally anyway, or have a specifically trying day with the kiddo or whatever it may be, the less of an ability I have to make my pen move.  When I have a bad day, of course there is a ton of shit to write about, but just regular mental stress, work whatever, nothing.  Static.

Those are days where I doubt myself.  Where I ask if I really want to continue my feebile attempts at this book.   Maybe I should just close down my domain name and let that damn shoe company have it.  (Ha, nope! I’d keep this shit funded just because.) Maybe, when I’m dead and gone, my daughter, my husband, my grandkids won’t give a shit about these journals and notebooks.

Of course I won’t stop writing though, I know well enough after all of these years that writing keeps me alive.  Writing keeps me sane.

 

 

So here’s to writer’s block.  Cheers.

“Why I hate naps” and other babble.

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Today is my last day of “stay-cation”.  It’s been fun, it really has.  I got to spend time by myself and face some of my Crohns demons, I got to go thrifting and out for coffee.  I spent some good time with my daughter and boyfriend, and I spent time doing whatever I wanted.  Today is the last day, and what did I do?  Take a 2 hour nap.

Naps are heavenly.  If you don’t sleep well the night before, a nap may seem better than a whiskey sour after a long week of bullshit at the office.  People like to nap, curling up on a chilly afternoon and snoozing the hours away.  Hell, babies nap.  Old people nap.  Your 22 year old neighbor naps*.

*Sleeps until noon, wakes up, eats cocoa crispies, goes back to sleep.

I napped today.

And I hate naps.

I feel like with in those two hours, I missed the entire day.  Somehow, in those two hours, all of the plans I didn’t have will never get done, like those two hours were filled with things that I had been wanting to do for a millenia.

2 hours.

I fell asleep reading a book I’ve fallen in love with.  (The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane by: Katherine Howe)  Sounds perfect right?  No.  I could’ve done, um, I could’ve done, something!!

I could’ve worked more on my writing, or my knitting.  There’s that soup that’s been simmering in the crock pot, or hell, there are all of the dishes that are creating a new life form in my sink… you know those dishes I’m still not going to do because, meh.  I can do them in an hour before I pick up Ryan.

Stupid nap.  Fucked up my mojo for the day.  Now there’s only a couple hours of daylight left, even though we’re not going outside.  I’d rather stay inside with my cup of coffee, Noodle with her playdoh kit.  (There is playdoh stuck in places in this house I didn’t know playdoh could go.)

So that’s it.  I napped.  Now I’m going to go catch up on all the things I missed in those precious two hours.  Damned nap.

Politics: Bring Out the Asses

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Okay, ya’ll know that I’m one of the first people to stir the pot when it comes to politics.  I love to debate, and more importantly, I love learning new information and fact-checking.  There is nothing, nothing, more entertaining to me than sitting down for coffee and talking politics, especially in the fall.  Politics: Just because you don’t have interest in them, doesn’t mean politics won’t take interest in you.

I am a self-described Liberal, even though Emily has sworn in the past that I have some very conservative streaks running through me.  I don’t really side with either of the main parties 100%, and more likely than not my ballot swings both ways.  Regardless, I pay attention to politics, form my own opinions and research what I can.  Admittedly, there are some things that I don’t particularly have a opinion on, but I try to be informed.

However, every once in a while I get in a tiff when it comes to debate.  I am part of several forums as well as online “groups” where we all debate.  With out fail, eventually someone comes out of the woodwork and picks a fight.  It turns into “Well, this happened because of YOU DIRTY LIBERALS.”  *rolls eyes*  I’m the first to admit that I’m wrong, or I’m unsure of the answer, however, the name calling is pretty pathetic.  I have no problem reading articles, facts, studies, statistics that you post to back up your claim, I actually enjoy it.  I like to see if people can change my opinion, but to resort to finger pointing and ranting online isn’t getting anyone anywhere.

Every year, every election I wonder to myself, what happened to agree to disagree?  We all have the ability to form our own opinions, why is it so bad if someone’s opinions vary from yours?  Just because I am in favor of ObamaCare doesn’t mean that I dislike you because you’re not.  Just because you’re pro-life and cheering Illinois’s decision re: the morning after pill, doesn’t mean that I won’t pour you another cup of coffee.

The point of politics, elections, etc (okay, guys no conspiracy shit right now.) is to give us a chance to voice our opinions, to stand up for what we believe in, and most importantly, form our own thoughts and opinions on what we believe is right, wrong, moral or otherwise.  Not all of us are going to agree, hell, bring up the CPS strike and I’ll irritate the hell out of some liberals, but that’s the point.  We’re different. We’re going to have different views.  You believe and support yours, I’ll stand for mine.

I guess my long-winded point is : Agree to disagree.  Back up your facts and stop name calling.  You can call me a dirty liberal all you like, but it doesn’t make anyone look more intelligent.

Oh.  And Emily, if you’re reading this… you need to move here.  I need someone to debate with.

Autumn. And then some.

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Fall. Autumn. The fuck you summer, winter is coming part of the year. It’s here and I’m thrilled even if I’m a bit sad to see summer go.

This summer flew by, there was a lot of chaos and some life lessons were learned. There were weekends at the lake house and afternoons spent in the backyard. It flew by though. It just seems like it just started.  Regardless, it’s over.

I like Autumn though, hoodie weather. It’s the time of year for bonfires and camping. The leaves seem to be falling early on the maples though so I’m not sure if I’ll make the trip to Devil’s Lake this year. Either way, I’m going to help Noodle collect leaves once they change.

I just can’t believe this year has flown by so fast, nor can I believe the changes it has brought. If nothing else, this year has been a productive one.

So I guess this weekend will be spend taking out the air conditioners and setting up the furnace. Maybe a trip to the forest preserve. Good bye Summer.

Neurotic Little Thing

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So I’m texting with one of my friends at the current moment, and she is making fun of me because I decided to mop my floors.  Not because of the actual act of mopping my floors, but because I’m so thrilled about a clean house (minus the bathroom- not feeling up to that one).  Something about everything being in it’s place and everywhere being clean just does it for me.

I’ve always been weird about chaos in my house and inside of my car.  I’m the type of person who will get super-bat-shit-crazy-overwhelmed in the morning if I wake up and there are dishes in the sink.  Waking up to a clean house just sets a serene mood to the day.  Plus, oddly enough, I feel safer if everything is in it’s place.  It’s really hard to describe, but it seems like chaos really affects my sense of security.

So, I spent the hour after my daughter went to bed cleaning the floors and my kitchen.  The day before yesterday it was the bedrooms.  Soon it’ll be the bathroom and putting away the laundry that is currently in the wash.  Now I feel like I can tackle the world… or at least get some rest/recoup from this flare with out feeling too guilty.

I’m a tad bit neurotic..

Whatever though.  We all have our quirks and that’s what draws people to us.  So mine are spastic cleaning and my love for  pretty colored pens/post it notes.  It’s what makes you all fuck-this-I’m-happy-bitches that matters.  Who cares what other’s think.  :)

Respect. Or lack there of. Or throat punching.

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Dealing with the general public, as well as working in a close-knit office reiterates the one cardinal rule I have.  Treat me with respect or do not expect it in return.  Better yet?  You better be good at high-blocking because I’m most likely pondering throat-punching you.

I am a people person.  I do best in large crowds or in big groups of friends, I can feign interest in almost everything and I can treat the person I’d like to feed to hungry lions like my best friend.  Call it a talent.  I am respectful.  I treat everyone with respect unless they disrespect me.  Or hell, if you’re just rude.

It’s a pretty simple idea in life folks.  If you want something, be nice to the person you’re asking.  If someone is helping you out, help them out in return or wait… you could always… say thank you.  Some of the basic lack of manners in this world honest to god shock the hell out of me.

Most of this is just coming from working with the public, again, even though the last time I swore I wouldn’t.  Some of this is coming from past experience.  A bit of it is coming from my peers, not really friends, but people in the same circles.  It’s called being a grown-up folks, you’d think people in their twenties and thirties could manage this but apparently not.

Respect.  I respect your decision to go back to school, or not.  I respect your decision to get your own place, or live with family.  I respect your relationships or lack there of.  I listen, give my opinion and then wish you the best.  It’s a damned shame that people can’t give that in return.

I am a single mom, I am saving money currently, especially with the Christmas season coming around.  So making fun of me for deciding to stay in, not spend money on new clothes, or dinners out, isn’t getting you anywhere but on my shit list.

My decision to put off school for a while longer was and is a deeply thought out choice.  I have a lot going on, and adding school to the list isn’t going to help anything.  So reminding me of my almost complete bachelors as well as the fact that I’m not getting any younger isn’t very nice.  I don’t remind you that I work twice as many hours and make damn near $15,000 a year more than you do.

My relationship, both my boyfriend and my friends.  I love my friends, and will do almost anything for them, and I’m aware that some of them are what you consider “trouble makers”.  Regardless, they’ve saved my ass, from calling an ambulance for me after a med interaction to picking me up when I was stranded, to defending me from my ex husband’s attacks to convincing me to plan out my future.  I love them, and because you can’t seem to keep your mouth shut, doesn’t mean I not going to hang out with them.  Oh yeah.  And the boyfriend.  Yes.  I haven’t killed him yet.  He’s a sweetheart, and those of you know me know that I’m relatively possessive.  No, I don’t care if he has female friends, or goes to a strip club, or whatever (I get strip club rights too… and spending money :)) but however, if you cross that line, if you KNOWINGLY cross that line, I will throat punch you.

My child.  Ohhhhh the arguments I’ve gotten into regarding how I raise my daughter.  From daycare to vaccinations, from clothing to toys, from her lack-of-dad situation to how much I work.  I don’t mention that your 5 year old still rides in a stoller and has a binky, why?  I don’t care, it’s your parenting.  So please respect my decisions and butt out.

The fact of the matter is, I do my best to not judge other’s decisions or lifestyle or whatever you may please…. until you disrespect me.  As soon as that happens, it’s fair game, and trust me, as others have recently found out, it won’t be pleasant.

Until then? See you on the flipside.

Fake it ’till you make it bitches.

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…and I’m not talking orgasms people.  Well.  You can fake it if you want to… you know… when sex just sucks that much… yeah.  Anyway (now that my Dad has now vowed to never read my blog again), I’m actually talking about other life-not-sex-related stuff.  I’m a firm believer in fake-it-till-you-make-it.

One example is confidence.  Growing up, specifically grade school, I was very self-conscious.  Like painfully self-conscious.  I was overweight, wore glasses, and basically…. dorky.  My sense of humor was dry, even at that age, and seeing as how I was reading college level before middle school…. doesn’t make for the most popular girl.  Kids made fun of me, and more often than not I went home upset.

Then sometime in the first year of high-school I decided to say fuck it.  Fuck them.  I got into an alternative style (oh god) and did what made me happy.  I wasn’t completely confident in myself yet, but I started faking it.  I came out with this fuck-you-eat-my-ass attitude, and even though I was still shaky on the inside, I was confident on the outside.

By the time I dropped out (yes, you’re reading the blog of a ged kid- hey, I’m farther in college than most of you lol) I had learned something, confidence attracts people.  When you’re confident, self-assured, people are just drawn to you.  That’s the way life works.  What else did I learn?  Somewhere in my act of being confident, I forgot it was an act.

Sure I still had my quirks and things I didn’t 100% like about myself, but for the most part I loved who I was, and didn’t care what other people thought.  Before I knew it, my social skills improved, and people started coining me as “outgoing” and other such words.

That was years ago at this point, and you know?  That fake-it-until-you-make it theory?  I still use it.  Especially lately when I get a little shaken with my appearance.  My weight has fluctuated so much these past handful of years, now with the new drugs my hair is falling out, now in clumps, my skin is no longer clear and my joints hurt.  So on days where I’m down and self-conscious, you guessed it… I fake it.  Usually by the end of the day I’ve gotten over it.

Today?  I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw.  My self-image was pretty shitty.  As the morning wore on I was keeping quiet and to myself, I felt like the whole world could see how much my body hurt and I didn’t want to be that person.  It took a little bit for me to realize that in order to not be that person, all I had to do was NOT be that person.  Sooner rather than later, I was smiling again, laughing, telling my jokes (mostly berating friends) and putting my issues behind me.

Sometimes all it really takes is a little bit of fake.

Opposite. Different.

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Attract.

 

I’ve been told I’m an “acquired taste”, which I’ll take as a compliment fuck you very much… and that I’m slightly abrasive.  I know I’m a bit quirky, and that makes it hard for people to get along with me for extended periods of time.  I mean hell, who really wants to hang out with the chick who makes you want to stab yourself in the eardrum in under an hour?  (Don’t all raise your hands at once now, form a single file line to the left…) I’m extremely outgoing and active.  I’m the type of girl who loves to be the center of attention (usually for humor reasons) and therefore end up motivating groups of people to do something.  I don’t have a filter between my brain and mouth and most of my thoughts are derogatory, perverted or just plain bitchy.  I like to be in charge, and I like to be loud about it.   I am very independent and hate to accept help from anyone, (would anyone like a side of pride with that?) and shockingly enough love helping others.  While I’ll most likely inadvertently insult you, and your mom, I actually really worry about making everyone happy.  I’m in your face 24/7 whether you like it or not.  I’m an Extrovert in the true sense of the word and an Aries to boot, the word dominant and alpha-female is putting it lightly.

Usually the only people who can tolerate me for long periods of time are people with similar personalities, and quite honestly, I get along best with them.  It just works out that way, we irritate each other, threats of violence are made and then we’re on to the next conquest (after I prove I’m right that is).

Not with relationships though.   Don’t get me wrong.  I am attracted to the man who holds everyone’s attention, even my own adhd attention span, but in reality, I’ve never had a successful relationship with someone like me.  In fact, every guy I’ve ever dated who even remotely came close to being as dominant as myself, every pseudo relationship I’ve had with an uber-dominate has backfired.  Like Hiroshima backfired.

You know what relationships have worked out long term?  Ended well?  Whatever?  Relationships with guys who are my near polar opposite.  Men who are laid back, where as I am high-strung.  Men who tend to stand back and watch (and laugh) instead of insisting on the spot light.  Men who don’t have much of a temper, where as I have a short (read: non-existant) fuse.  Men who create a calm balance with the chaos that is my life.

I don’t want to imply that I’m attracted to submissive men, because in reality I’m not.  There is nothing more sexy than a man who will stand up for what he believes in, say his piece and fight with me when I’m wrong.  I’d break a door-mat type of guy, not only break, but shatter.  I’m just saying I’ve only had destructive/unhealthy relationships with men who are uber-dominant/similar to my personality type.  I guess, in my case at least, I’m attracted to my opposite.

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Now on that note, I’m feeling kind of old, stereotypical, like-a-fucking-hallmark-card for saying this but… Opposites Attract.  Why is that exactly?  I think it may have something to do with our sub-conscious need to have a balanced life, especially at home/in the love department.  I always (up until recently) figured I was only attracted to the out-going-douche-nozzles like myself, when in reality, when I look back at my love life, I’ve only dated a few.  Most of my dates/relationships/flings have been with introverted guys, calming, laid back guys.  Guys who have personalities that compliment mine.  It’s taken me to my 25 year to realize this, but hey, at least I figured it out now… after I spazzed out on the boyfriend and he remained calm the entire time.  haha.

Now my question would be:  Do you think the old saying “Opposites Attract” is true for the majority?  For yourself?  I need input people… INPUT.  Chime in!

 

Good Morning Amer… oh screw off.

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There’s something about waking up at 6:45am.  There’s also something about scrambling out of bed thinking I slept through my alarm and need to get ready for work.  Something else?  Yes, there is definitely something about your kid waking up, the dog barking, making coffee and stubbing your toe on the backdoor all before you realize that it’s Saturday.  It’s Saturday.  Saturday means sleeping in.  Saturday means no work and no getting up before the sun.  Saturday means son-of-a-whore-I-am-up-at-6:45-for-no-got-damn-reason.

So as I’m standing out in the front yard, watching the dog, watching the neighbor’s dog, in a robe that is bigger than me,  my neighbor across the street comes out to go to work.

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Where’s your boyfriend?

In your backyard burying your girlfriend.

What?

Nevermind.

Nice robe there Sarah.

Nice green card.

Damn, cranky much? Why are you awake so early?

Because I obviously want to see your beautiful face first thing, go to work already.

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I don’t know why people are so dead set on fucking with me so early in the morning, especially when I haven’t had my coffee.  They call it amusing.  I call it a death wish, if death wishes included having your scrotum stapled to your ceiling.

Eh.  It’s about 8am now, I’m on my second cup of coffee and am pretty much sure I’m still not awake but that’s cool.  I have a lot of stuff to do today, so being up early is helpful.  Now to just coax myself into a hot shower and try to loosen up some muscles so I don’t walk around like I’m old enough for my tits to be hanging by my knees and get moving.