Old. Hairy. Foreign. Ballsacks.

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I seriously think I’m going to keep a tally sheet of all the old/foreign guys I manage to kill attract at the mall.  No for realz.  I’m not even kidding.  It was really funny at first to hear these cheesy ass lines, but now it’s starting to get on my nerves (okay, I still think it’s hilarious).

Gurnee Mills.  Also known as Tourist Hell, The Meat Mill, and simply “the mall” the mall to anyone from Northern Lake County (woot woot).  This is the housing of my employment.  Sadly enough, I apparently can’t get enough and am on my 5th mall job (at least it was over the span of 8 years right??! Does that make me less pathetic? ) and I honestly have a lot of fun.  However, for some reason, this mall in particular attracts a lot of foreign business owners, which I don’t have a problem with.  There’s a small group though, of about 20, that think their old ball sacks are inherently sexy, and that all 18-25 year olds want them.  Okay okay, so that may be reinforced by some of the girls I work with (what the hell girls, just because their foreign doesn’t mean you want their dick in you!!) but for the most part we (and I mean us girls with brains) are not interested.  Still they persist.

I heard THEE BEST line today.  One of the guys that works relatively close to me came over and we struck up the normal conversation involving “How’s business?” “You closing tonight?” and “Do you like to give head?”.  I don’t mind, I get a kick out of it, then he drops it.  “Honey, the girls love me, I taste like skittles“.  (Now dab on a heavy euro accent and you’re set).  My jaw just dropped, and luckily I managed to pick that shit up in record time.  “I bet you tell all the 14 year olds that“.  I think his skittle balls shriveled up and retracted into his throat.  Yes.  Throat.  He made some comment about me owing him a redbull and stumbled back into his store.  I nearly died.  I laughed so hard I’m pretty sure I peed.

The crap you deal with in a mall is ridiculous, but at least I can find humor in this!

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