Stupid lack of tact.


I need to run far away.
I can’t go back to yesterday.

Yesterday Morning.  I was sitting here in a good mood.
Today.  I’m sitting here feeling empty.
Way to shut down Sarah.  Too bad it only lasts until nightfall.

So I made a mistake with a friend last night.  Shit got retarded really quick.  I went on a tangent about something they were doing that I didn’t really agree with.  However.  It wasn’t my place to go as far as I did.  I should’ve just asked questions, said my quick piece, but instead I pulled “a Sarah” and went too far with it.  Now I may have lost my friend.   I may have lost one of the few things that made me happy, temporary as it was.  *facepalm*

Everything goes away eventually, but I just had to go and run my epic mouth and pushed it.  Fuck my couch.  Seriously.  I feel like an ass.  I apoligized last night, but unfortunately I don’t think that was enough and it all got thrown in the trash anyway.

I think I should come with a disclaimer!  For realz.

Warning:  This girl talks way too much, if she gets on a tangent, she’ll say things that shouldn’t be said and completely disregard your emotions.

I’m actually laughing now.  As I sit back and think about how many times I’ve ruined perfectly good things by running my mouth.  Good Lord.  Some one sew this shit shut! I’m pretty sure it’ll do the world a favor, hell I might not get headaches as much!  Ha ha.

So I’ll stay out all night, get drunk and fuck and fight.
Until the morning comes I’ll forget.

I’m always one for the short term.  I’m not exactly sure why either.  I make it a point to plan out my future, you know, my career, school and what not, but as to my personal happiness I live day to day.  I’ve been like that since I was a teenager.  Adam taught me how to enjoy the moment, and I don’t think I’ll ever change that.  Hell, since I’ve adopted that idea, I’ve changed 100% as a person, and I still stick to it.  However.  Sometimes it hurts in the long run.  I refuse to give that up though.

I honestly think that life is just the memories you make.  Everything ends, everyone goes away eventually, so all you can do is enjoy what you’re doing you know?  Enjoy the scene you’re in, enjoy the place you live, enjoy the people you’re with.  If you decide to not to do something because it won’t last, then you’ll just miss out on some potentially great memories to look back on.  Like for instance.  The whole skinhead debacle.  I had a lot of fun despite the drama, but even as a dumb teenager, I knew my crew wouldn’t last.  I still dove in and had a blast, and I have some hilarious memories from it.  It all ended, and it sucked major freakin’ balls, but I still have those memories.  I have some awesome stories to tell.

A lot of my friends don’t understand that way of thinking.  I guess I can’t expect anyone to, seeing as how most people don’t understand a lot of the shit about me.  (LoL, like my way of dealing with stress)  I have to explain living for the moment over and over again.  I understand that it’s not really the best way to live your life, but life is short.

You’re sick of feeling numb, you’re not the only one.


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