Take your identity and shove it. No seriously.


This entry is aimed more at parents.  I’m sure you can find a way to relate this to other crap, but my brain is not quite working today so that’s on you.

Before I had my daughter I was the almighty Skinbyrd, Perschon, the girl with the shaved head, crazy, a writer, a server, a coffee fanatic, a drop out.  You name it.  I was a unique individual.  I was me.

Then I got pregnant.
And no.  Men do not get pregnant so do not say “we got pregnant”.

Once my mini-me was born it was like the world took my identity and threw it away.  I was no longer me.  I was a mom.  Then I got sick, then I was a very ill mom.  Needless to say I was gone.  In my place was this motherly figure,  I tried to keep my hobbies alive, but I was overwhelmed with motherhood and lost myself in the process.

It’s hard to maintain your old self once you have a child, but it’s not impossible.  My daughter is turning 3 in a couple of months here, and I have made huge strides to get myself back.  To be more than just a mother.  To be myself.  To have my own identity and break out of the “diapers and diaper rash” conversations.

Now this is where people get kind of iffy on me.  A lot of mothers (and fathers in some cases) feel like their kids and families have to come before them.  While I DO agree on that, you still have to take care of yourself.  I stayed home with my daughter for the first 2 years of her life.  I believe I made the right decision for her, and I don’t regret it, but it negatively impacted me.  I fell out of my groups of friends, I lost interest in going back to school, my resume has a huge gap on it, and I basically lost the drive to keep “me” alive.  I became all that is mom.  I started realizing this when I’d go to grab some coffee with a friend and all I had to talk about what my daughter.  I had no clue what was up with my best friend’s wedding, my other friends school, you name it.  I was so wrapped up in all that is mom, I lost everything.

So I enrolled in college, one to have social interaction, two to be prepared if things went south in the future (haha, how soon is now?).  After I started classes at the campus, I started getting social again, I started to realize that there was more in the future than kids.  After I got my job it just snow balled.

I have myself back.  I now make decisions based on the future, of both my daughter and me, instead of the here and now for my daughter.  I make sure that I get out and have fun, I’m thinking of starting my own business, I stay up to date on school work, and still have mucho play time with the short one.

It’s all about balance…  you’re more than just a parent.  You are you.  You have kids yes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a life.

Life is what you make it.  Simple as that.


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