Laugh like you’re dying.

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I’m feeling a lot better currently.  I had a nice conversation with a friend of mine and hung out with another last night and it was totally what I needed.  It pulled me out of the slump I was in.   I was low.  Low Low Low.  I didn’t have any motivation to do my homework for my English class, clean my house, put effort into my business, nothing.  I barely could muster up the motivation to make fun of people at my dead end job.  I just felt like I was going nowhere.  Like there was no hope, like I couldn’t fix it this time.

I think all I needed to know is that people care.  I mean, I’ve always known that, but sometimes my stupid ass just needs to hear it.  I mean, I’ve gotten a lot of encouraging words from T lately, and that’s kept me out of the dark, but hearing it from an unexpected source last night really helped.  I realized that while things are rough, I can still power through them.  That I’ve been in much worse positions before, that I’m strong enough to deal with this.

—-

So anyway, my job is still basically pointless.  I got two weeks of decent hours, then it shot right back down.  It’s going to be bad, but I am grateful I still have work.  I know a lot of people who don’t have shit to live on, so I’m a step up.  I refuse to quit because that’s just counter productive.  I’m still on the hunt, unfortunately all I can find is part-time minimum wage jobs.  I’m sure it’ll work out though.

School is kicking my ass, I got a little behind but am almost caught up.  It’s just been hard to focus, but I’ve got to get on track.  English is just an odd subject for me, ironically.  I love to write, I love to read, but you can’t force it out of me.  It has to flow.  It has to come from my heart, my brain, my fury.  I can’t just write.  Being forced to drives me up a wall.  Gottah keep it keep it moving though.

In other news, I now have a roommate.  Carl is renting my 3rd bedroom from me, and so far it’s working out well.  The help with the mortgage payment alone makes me consider a god.  I’m hoping this works out for a while, and it’s looking good so far.

Blahdie Blahdie Blah.  I’m not in the mood to write anymore.

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