I’m feeling a lot better currently. I had a nice conversation with a friend of mine and hung out with another last night and it was totally what I needed. It pulled me out of the slump I was in. I was low. Low Low Low. I didn’t have any motivation to do my homework for my English class, clean my house, put effort into my business, nothing. I barely could muster up the motivation to make fun of people at my dead end job. I just felt like I was going nowhere. Like there was no hope, like I couldn’t fix it this time.
I think all I needed to know is that people care. I mean, I’ve always known that, but sometimes my stupid ass just needs to hear it. I mean, I’ve gotten a lot of encouraging words from T lately, and that’s kept me out of the dark, but hearing it from an unexpected source last night really helped. I realized that while things are rough, I can still power through them. That I’ve been in much worse positions before, that I’m strong enough to deal with this.
So anyway, my job is still basically pointless. I got two weeks of decent hours, then it shot right back down. It’s going to be bad, but I am grateful I still have work. I know a lot of people who don’t have shit to live on, so I’m a step up. I refuse to quit because that’s just counter productive. I’m still on the hunt, unfortunately all I can find is part-time minimum wage jobs. I’m sure it’ll work out though.
School is kicking my ass, I got a little behind but am almost caught up. It’s just been hard to focus, but I’ve got to get on track. English is just an odd subject for me, ironically. I love to write, I love to read, but you can’t force it out of me. It has to flow. It has to come from my heart, my brain, my fury. I can’t just write. Being forced to drives me up a wall. Gottah keep it keep it moving though.
In other news, I now have a roommate. Carl is renting my 3rd bedroom from me, and so far it’s working out well. The help with the mortgage payment alone makes me consider a god. I’m hoping this works out for a while, and it’s looking good so far.
Blahdie Blahdie Blah. I’m not in the mood to write anymore.