Just try to stay alive.


Someone explain to me how I can feel so off track when in reality I’m not.  For real.  I have this feeling that something is askew.  That I’m doing something odd.  I think it might be school, but I’m not sure honestly.

I’m going to see if maybe CLC is a better choice for me, all I know is that I’m struggling now.  I also have been debating whether or not I should switch my major, or maybe the entire direction of school in general.  I don’t know.  Either way I think I’m going to give CLC a call and see if I can talk to a counselor.  I don’t want to waste my time in school, and regardless of the fact that I have little to no motivation to do it right now, I can’t quit.  I know I won’t start back up if I do.

I feel like screaming.  Not really in a bad way either.

Another thing.  I think that I need to start focusing on my health.  I’ve been slacking on a lot of shit, I do exercise, but I don’t do much cardio and eating? Ha!  I’ve been eating so much crap and over-processed food since Tim moved out that it’s catching up to me.  Smoking.  Yeah.  Totally down to at least cut down.

A friend and I went sledding last night, and walking up that hill killed me.  Granted there was a foot of snow on the ground, but it still kicked my ass into next week.  My lungs were fucked (thanks smoking) and my legs burned.  I know part of it is my lack of activity during the winter, but that was pathetic.  So it’s time to kick myself into full gear.  I will not be out of shape.  I will not.  Moral of the story:  You can be a size 3 and unhealthy.

This is retarded.


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