“So tell me now, if this aint love then how do we get out?”
Rise Against “Savior”
So I am convinced that I have epically bad timing. Or rather that “timing” has a vendetta against me. I’m talking about everything here folks. The timing doesn’t seem right for me to continue school sometimes, I meet people at the wrong times and it doesn’t pan out, my job may go under at the wrong time, my cat gets sick with bad timing.
(Thanks B, totally stealing that)
Usually, I’d say move on and make it the right timing, but god damnit, it’d be nice for things to just fall into place for a change. All of this chaos that is also known as my life is really getting on my nerves. I have this weird vision for how I want my life to play out, and the reality of it just doesn’t fit into that mold. I want to be in school full time, but again, being a single mom, the timing just aint right. I met my future ex-husband, and if I had waited until he had gotten his shit together, it might’ve worked, but of course my timing was off and I dove face first into the pavement. I met a good friend of mine, had it been months earlier, we’d actually go far, but nope, I’m only like a year late lol. I met a new friend that I wish I had known years ago, but instead we’re playing jigsaw with what we want. I jumped back into an industry that I was familar with back during my teens, but back then I thought the timing was wrong and moved on. Turns out, I’m 10 years behind lol.
I just seems like if everything was altered just a little bit, it would work out. *If* this, *If* that. While it’s humorous to look back on, I just hate it now. Why couldn’t I have done this then? Why couldn’t I have thought of this before? Why couldn’t I have met so and so before this was set in stone? I’m left with enough Whys and What Ifs to last me a millennium.
“Would it have worked out?”
“Would I be as interested?”
“Would I have been up and running by now?”
“Would I lose a friend still?”
“Would I be here?”
Would I be happy?
Would I be who I am today?