I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I honestly don’t care enough to put in a lot of effort in a relationship (any relationship), at least in the beginning. Seriously. Why should I? If I have to stress out and argue and fight, what’s the point? Isn’t that an indicator of the future? I don’t like hanging out with people who fight all the time, it’s not my style, I’m too busy for that shit. I have too much shit going on already, why add to it.
“Don’t, please don’t give up on me”
But I guess that brings up a very valid point. I am not the easiest person to get along with. I was compared to having scorpions in your ass last summer. LMAO. I think that was the best one yet. Fucking Scorpions. Haha. I guess everyone has to have a fetish hahaha. Anywho, what I’m getting at, is that I realize I can be really difficult. I know I’m opinionated as fuck and at the same time will shut my trap and make you choose.
I have some strange ways of showing my friends, family and significant other(s) that I care (haha, you like how I put the plural in there? I’m a pimp. I got bitches all over the states ahhahaha). On the real though, I’m not very traditional in the sense of displaying affection, at least until you know me a long time. It’s a rare day when I hug even my close friends, even rarer if I hold someones hand or hell, say something nice. *Snort* I try. I fail though. Apparently.
I am a very dominant person. If I don’t care for you in the least, then I will disregard everything you have to say, everything you want to do, everything you even remotely have a single thought about. That’s just how I am. When I start to care about someone or some friends I tend to step down. I don’t go completely submissive, but I relinquish control for a little while. Simple things. I’ll actually let you give me advice (Mandy, Nick, and Robert should know this one). I’ll let you criticize me, up to a point of course, it’s still in my nature to get defensive as shit. Oh and I may choke you after that too. Then I start to worry that I’m forcing you into shit. I know I’m very outgoing and I’ve heard that I don’t give people a chance to think very often, that I’ll make people do things they don’t ness want to do. So in order to fix that I roll over and show my belly so to speak. “What ever you guys wanna do.” “Are you sure you want to?”
“It’s on you”
I was informed last night that the problem with that is that I come off like I don’t care. It’s so ass backwards it’s not even funny, which I guess only pertains to my brain. It makes sense to me, but not to other people.
So I guess what it comes down to, is that I’ve been trying to put more effort into my relationships the past 6 months or so, but my damaged ass emotional system is switching things around and I’m confusing and annoying people.
Which when you’re trying to… move a relationship along it’s counter productive.
It’s a lot of effort for me I guess. I give up.
So wrong, to think that I had found
It was so long since I had felt that at all.