I have to force myself to slow down for a couple of days. The fact that I even have to think about this pisses me off, but I guess in reality it doesn’t matter. I’m not keeping up with my own plans anyway. I just have no energy now. None. Eating makes me sick, drinking makes me sick, and I feel like ripping out my intestines. Sleeping was actually difficult last night, I kept waking up because of stomach pain. Usually I can still sleep… have been able to since the diagnosis and I was put on meds.
It really getting hard to deal with for me. I mean, everyone hates being sick, but I’ve learned how to deal with the pain and living in the bathroom. It’s the lack of energy that’s killing me.
Seriously, who am I? I’m outgoing. I’m always on the go. I love going out. I play fight constantly. I never sit still. So subtract my energy from that. I’m quiet, I want to just lay down, I still want to go out, but I would rather go to bed, play fighting is still there, but after a few minutes I get tired. I spend the majority of my day in one place. I am just a different person when I’m sick. I’m not me. That’s what I hate about this.
I’ve been trying to make it a point to tell people I’m sick when they ask what’s wrong. It’s still odd for me. I mean, I can tell Nick and Bryan, but beyond that I still feel like I’m complaining too much. I’m not looking for pity either, I’m just looking for people to understand. I don’t know. I feel like that doesn’t make any sense, but oh well.
Well I better go and try to be productive. Meh.