This is it I’m falling.


So I’m having a hard time holding it together lately.  The guy I’ve been seeing is moving in a couple days and it’s definitely rough.  I don’t want to give up all the fun we’ve had, and lose one of my closest friends.  When I sit down to think about it, it feels like my heart is emptying out.  It’s hard to explain.

I’m not mad at him moving.  In fact, I support him, I don’t like it, but it’s what he needs to do for him.  I had a hard time figuring that out at first, but now I’m okay with that.  Honestly, I kind of wish I had that option, moving somewhere (new to me though, everywhere I’ve been I’m good with not going back) and starting fresh.  He has such an awesome family as well, I couldn’t stand to be that far away from my Dad for long.  A lot of people don’t understand that I’m okay with him moving.  But you know what, that doesn’t matter to me, understanding is what makes a good friendship.

I guess it’s just hard.  I mean, I found someone who likes to do the things I like to do.  Whose pushed me in a good direction (for a change lol… geeze) and introduced me to new things, and now I have to lose him.  I think that’s why I’m not mad at him though.  I created so many good memories from the last year, and I don’t regret a little heartache in the process.  I mean hell, this boy got me on a mini-bike and peaked my interests in motorcycles…. so instead of a 4-wheeler only girl, I’m going to get my motorcycle license in October.  I got to go to Devil’s Lake for the first time (and second) and go camping for the first time in years.  Oh and hello forest preserves!  I saw dirt-bike races and went to my first motorcycle race, holy shit is that cool.  The 1000’s were the best.  At times I’ve thought, why am I doing this?  Seeing someone who will be moving away, but at the end of the day, if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have experienced all of these new things, and made all those hilarious memories.  Most importantly, I wouldn’t have set my standards for relationships higher and I wouldn’t have gained a good friend.

I think more than anything, I’m just going to miss having him around to hang out with. I got a little spoiled with having such a good friend around whenever I got bored.  I mean, I can still call and text him whenever I want, I just won’t have anyone to beat on when I’m drunk.  :)  It’s going to be lonely for a while, but I’ll get used to it, and every day it’ll hurt less and less, and like I said, I can always call him and talk still.  The last thing I want to do is lose that.  I have so few close friends that I tend to claw into them like crazy.  I hope that we’ll be able to hang on to our friendship, I need the kind of friend who puts me in check and kicks me in the ass if I need it, not to mention someone who will let me vent so I stay sane.

I guess it’s just going to take some getting used to.

Other than that I’m doing okay I guess.  I’m having a bit of an issue with my work though, I just simply don’t make enough money there.  It’s a fun place to work, and I have a blast and don’t dread heading in for my shifts, it’s just too far away for the money.  I’m looking all over for a new job, and actually have to run into a little bar/restaurant later for a quick interview.  It’s just rough being broke.

My goal is to find a stable job so I can start stashing away money for next year.  I want to do some minor remodeling on my house and buy a cheap motorcycle and a used car by the winter of 2011/2012.  It’s time for me to start doing things I want and things for myself.  I’ve been busting my ass for so long I want some of the benefits.  :)

School?  Eh.  I’m in the very least changing to my local community college.  DeVry is just too expensive, and I’m honestly not sure I want to stay in my bachelors program.  That’s my main problem right now, I’m not sure what I want a degree in.  So for right now, until Fall at the LEAST, I’m taking a break from school to figure out what I want to do.  The last thing I want is to accumulate a ton of student debt for a degree that I do not want.  So while school is important, it’s not one of my main priorities right now.  I just want to work and spend time with my short one.

All in all yeah.  I’m alive.  It’s rough, but I’m still here.


One thought on “This is it I’m falling.

  1. Like I said. “All in all Yeah. I’m alive. It’s rough, but I’m still here”, and I am. It hurts less and I’ve improved. It’s still rough, but I’m still here bitches.

Reply, do it, you know you want to!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s