You never wanted to stay, did you?

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Today I’m starting out with a weird mood.  I’m thinking about what ifs again today.  You all know I hate the what ifs.  I’d rather grate my eyeballs over my spaghetti.  But here I am.  I know I’ll get out of this funk once I get to work but for now…. I just want to go back to bed.

When Nick set his move date, I remember thinking “Damnit, the one good thing I have in my life (besides nood of course) is moving, now what do I have?”.  I mean, everything else was going to shit, an the one person who made me happy all of the time was leaving.  Well, it turns out that it doesn’t matter if things got better.  My life has improved a bit and I’m making progress, and I’m still salty about it.

Part of it is that I’m lonely.  I mean, you go from spending 4-5 days with someone and then losing that friend.  For real.  You’d prolly eat your neighbor.  It’s frustrating.  I mean, I have other friends, but it’s not the same.  I can stand in a room (or bar) full of people and still feel alone.  I don’t know.

So once again, I’m thinking of the what ifs.  And dreading putting on real clothes.  Gay.

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