It has to be 50/50. If not, choke on it.


So when I put effort into a friendship or a relationship, I expect the same back.  I expect equal.  If I go out of my way to talk to you and check on you, I expect the same for you.  Seriously.  If I talk to you, and give you pep talks and assure you you’ll do fine, in the very least I expect an “Are you doing okay?” the day my life crashes around me.  I don’t expect a 3 hour conversation, but just letting me know you are there if need be, is reassuring.  If you suggest me making a sacrifice for you, then I expect you to make a sacrifice for me.  Even if it’s small.  I don’t know. Maybe that’s not how the world works anymore.

Or maybe I’ve just figured out who is not worth it.  I’m leaning towards the latter.  I think that may hurt more than anything else.  When you figure out that someone you care about may not be as worth it as you thought, you lose faith in your own judgment, and you start to wonder if time was wasted instead of savored.  I don’t know.

Part of it is making a new friend.  Someone who wants to be with me for me.  Someone who is content with it all.  Someone who barely knew me, and held me while I was upset.  Someone who is so new to me cared more than some people I considered  good friends.  That’s what shocked me.  How could someone who knows next to nothing about me care?  Put aside their plans to make sure I’m alright?

I am into to people who take risks to be happy.  People who are motivated.  These are the people who I want to surround myself in.  While I take care of all my responsibilities, my main goal in life is to be happy.  The way I figure it, life is way to short, before we know it it’s over.  I take every single risk in order to ensue my happiness.  If you have something that makes you happy, and you want something else, you make it work.  There is always a way.  When someone doesn’t take that chance, I guess it bothers me.


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