and this is why I don’t like 4th of July. Or gangsters.

Standard

Okay.  So I may or may not have a completely irrational fear of transformers blowing.  You know like in the movies?  Where the fucker blows and takes out an entire city block.  People running and screaming.  (and cue hot actor… like Sutherland or Law) And more explosions.  Because these things always trigger chain reactions.

So where’s my beer.

Alright.  4th of July.  The weekend before.  Now.  I swear, every single mexican in Round lake is blowing off M-80s and up right now.  Like a lot.  Like my windows are shaking.  I know… I once used 5 m80s in an attempt to blow a blinky street sign up but COME ON.  That was years ago.  (I also remember Joe and his Dad blowing a washing machine 10 ft in the air.. that was just plain AWESOME-SAUCES) Now.  I’m a tad creeped out.  I may have dozed off or something for a few minutes, I think Jack Bauer was involved, either way I wasn’t paying attention, and my neighbors blew off one.  I SWEAR TO GOD I thought the transformer blew.  I froze for a second to see if my house blew away (why is it that I relate transformers blowing to nuclear attacks??) SHIT THERES ANOTHER ONE.  Anyways.  So I think this makes me old.  I still want to blow stuff up but I’m TOTALLY not cool with transformer-blowing-noises outside my window when I have Bauer in my head.  RUINS THE MOOD people.

So I call my friend Katie.

Hey.  What does a transformer sound like when it uh… blows up?

I don’t know why? Maybe a big boom?

Well do you think my house could blow away?

Why would it blow away?  It’s not even raining Sarah.

You know.  Like in the movies.

Dude.  That’s the movies.  It doesnt work like that.  Are you drinking?

Nooooo.  Why would I be drinking? *crack*

Because your you and your calling me about transformers blowing up your house.

That is totally a relevant thought tonight!  What if a firework hits one? Whose going to rescue me?? Keifer Sutherland is a douche in real life!

I’m going to bed Sarah.  Coffee tomorrow?

If I’m not blown up by a transformer.

You won’t be.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Uggh.  Some people just don’t understand.  Remember the movie SPEED?  You know with Keanu Reeves?  While he was still hot and not all meth-addict-pale-skinny looking?  Yeah.  The beginning scenes where the Elevator gets blown up-ish and then plummets to the bottom of the building?  I TOTALLY didn’t get in an elevator for 3 years.  I had therapy for it.  Ask my sister.  WHAT?  Keanu Reeves TOTALLY wouldn’t have saved me… I was only like 10 and not Sandra Bullock (I swear I hate being compared to her… totally don’t have her gay haircut) so I’d totally be dead.  THAT’s a totally rational fear.

And so are transformers blowing.

What?

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