My heart is breaking right now. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I wish, more than anything she had a different dad. I feel so horrible for her, I wish I could re-do everything. I wish she had an attentive dad who wanted to spend time with her. I wish she had a dad who would man up.
I’ve been texting Tim all week about The 4th of July. I refused to make any concrete plans for the 3rd or the 4th in case he wanted to come with to see the fireworks or take her on his own. Well, he never responded last night so I took Noodle to Mandy’s house after the beach for a cook out and to watch the fireworks there. I text Tim after the fireworks “Do you want to take her for the 4th to see fireworks tomorrow”. No response. I text him again today seeing about fireworks, and he responded with “I worked last night and tonight.” Except for he didn’t. I have friends at the faire and no one worked except for the people who lived there. He ended up calling me and I asked him if he wanted to take her to fireworks tonight, and he went on and on about how I’m a horrible mom and just trying to pawn her off on him. (Which for those of you that have seen the pictures of my burnt ass know, I’m not doing SHIT tonight lol). I told him that I was just offering to let him take her for a few hours so she can see the fireworks with him too. You know, I figured that as her Dad he’d at least want to see her a little bit for the holiday. Well, he went on to say that besides his court ordered days, he’s not taking her because “my problems are my problems and I created this mess for myself”. Okay. So my problems = my daughter? Alright great.
I’m just tired of it. I have been going out of my way for him since we split up, despite the restraining order and 2 counts of domestic abuse. I lend him money, I drive her out there, I provided food/diapers/clothes for her while he had her, I pick her up, and I keep my mouth shut about him not having a phone half the time, smoking too much pot and on and on. I refused to ask for alimony and when child support came up, I let him choose the amount. $75/month. I don’t make him pay for half of the day care (which is court ordered).
He blew her off on father’s day (which is his day according to the papers), and he doesn’t want to see her today for fireworks because he’d rather party for the 3rd day in a row. He blames the fact that he can’t hold a job on me and noodle, the fact that he lives in the ghetto on me, the fact that he has no car on me (when in fact he took the brand new rendezvous and got it repoed when we split).
It just hurts. One of my good friends once said that if he had a kid, he’d take every opportunity to see him/her. I wish Tim was like that. So now, my daughter is sitting next to me chanting “Daddy come see fireworks” I have to tell her he’s working, when in due reality he’s just avoiding her.
So Noodle got a Dad who wants to do anything else but spend time with her, refuses to pay child support, much less pick her up for visitation. A Dad who has so much venom for her mom, he’s destroying their relationship.
I’m ready to crawl in a hole and die now.