Distractions Distractions, oh. You’re pretty.

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Disclaimer:  This may not make sense.  Once sentence might pertain to two subjects.  The next sentence, a third.  The following sentence, your mom.

I’ve said it before.  This is karma kicking my ass.  This is what I get for my younger days.  My heart is in the fucking blender (What song was it that I just thought of) and I’m one pissed off bitch.  Look God, Powers that be, fucking whatever,  I get it.  I fucked up my past… can we just call it even and let me distract myself.  Pleease.  This is just gay.

Get the HELL out of my head.  I am going to strangle myself.  No.  I’m going to strangle you.  Do you want a fucking prize for being the first one?  Huh?  How about your nuts in the blender… it’ll make a nice fucking smoothy with all my fleshy heart bits.  (Banana Smoothie sounds good right now, hey at least I’m not going cannibal.  Which I totally will if I don’t get out of this house tonight)

Okay Okay.  So I don’t know how to deal.  You do.  Seem fine.  Oh well.  Karma?  Fuck Karma.  *Rolls eyes* if Karma exists, I got a lot worse coming.  Oh.  Wait.  If.  Sonofabitchonastick.  I hope Karma doesn’t exist.

Get out of my HEAD.

So.  Where in the FUCK is my new life?  I want one.  I’m sick of this one.  I haven’t ran since I was a teenager.  Ran as in ran away.  I wanna run.  I wanna pack up and leave.  What good is this place doing for me?  Friends.  Yes.  I have them.  Parents.  Sister.  Oh yeah.  I still want to run.  I want to leave.  I want to go where no one knows me and I know no one.

Start over.

So what if I did?  What did I learn in the past?  Running doesn’t fucking work.  I want a new life though. This one, while nice, hasn’t maintained the shiny aspects that it first did.  “You can run all your life, and find yourself there”.  Sonofabitchonastick I want a freaking do over becauseimlosingithere and thisfuckingblows.  Make my head stop working.

Stupid what ifs.  Stupid what ifs.  Stupidwhatifs. Stupidwhatifs.stupidwhatifs.stupidwhatifs.

*sips coffee*

I guess this makes me crazy huh?  Crazy bitch is my theme song.  Everybody likes a little crazy.  Everybody.  They lie if they say no.  CRAZY.  Stupid t-shirt – “i do what the voices tell me” .  STFU that tshirt was sooo 1999.

Skurt flaked.  Fucker.  Now I’m on a mission.  Hahahaha.  Still on a mission.  Stupid stupid idols.

That’s why I have bad karma.  BadHormonesDownDOWNDOWN.  BadSarahNoCookie.  But I want a cookie.  Oh Noodle ate it.  SONOFABITCHFACE.

Getting my thoughts out on paper.  This is whats in my head.  Am I crazy yet?  Areyouscared yet?

It’s so nice out and I’m not dressed.  I don’t want to face the day yet.  2.45 hours until I find out if Tim flakes.

If I ever get married again, he gets a drug test, credit check and an evaluation by my psychiatrist.  I have a psych?  damnit.  I’ll have to hire one.

No more kids.  Why?  Where has it gotten me?  Stupid deadbeat.  I want one more kid, but not anymore.  Retarded.

So he fucking moved.  The one person who was good for me.  Moved.  Go fucking figure.  Karma.

And now I get psychos and whiners.  Well.  Alwayshavegottenthemjustdidntknowthedifference. Boy oh boy, having high standards standing on my pedestal sucks.  It’s lonely up here.  Miss me yet? I miss you.  I miss you so much I hate you.  Thank you.  I hate you.  Thankyouallthesame.  My life is different now, but I still hate you.  Take a walk to hawaii.

Hello Minions.  I have Zombies in my basement that are going to sink Cali, Florida and and bits of long island.  I don’t like long island.  Or their stupid drink…which they don’t even serve there.

I think I’m going to go make some coffee.  But it’s hot out.  But I need to think and it’s too early for beer.  or the bar.  or the club… or the city.  I wonder if Tims going to show up.  I wonder if he’ll bring her back.  I hope he gets over his venom.

Look at me.  look at how being venom-filled has ruined my life for 10 years.  Sooo much work to change, and I’m notnearlyfuckingfinished.  At least now I’m just a bitch instead of a coldhearted one.

Choke on that Jackie.

Ey Ey Ey.  Oh yeah.  maybe I’ll go get drunk at the beach.  First time of the summer?  Oh and wear pants.  or not.  stupid sunburn.

Fuck.  I’m done. Thinking too fast.

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