Seriously. Trip. Fall. And Die.
After a drunken conversation last night, or rather, 6 hours ago, I finally had my god damned epiphany. You know… those moments where it all finally makes sense and you go “Okay. I’m going to do THAT.” Yeah. Finally. Now if I can just stick to it. I mean, I set goals unbelievable high for myself and the way I figure, this is just one more thing on my To-Do list… or in this case “Get-The-Fuck-Out-Of-My-Head/To-Not-Do” list.
I’ve been pretty hung up on a psuedo-ex. I mean we all expected it. You all watched what happened up until and after he moved. You know what though? I’m done. I seriously am. I have to seriously start giving people a chance in my life anyway, I tend to immediately shut them down for stupid shit, and with that putting a very scary cartoon style black cloud over my heart it’s been even worse.
It took me asking questions drunk and not hearing the answers I wanted. I already knew the answers. It just took hearing them again to drive it home. I’ve never been one to waste time on anyone, and it occurred to me how stupid it is to waste time on someone who left me behind in the pursuit of a dream. I would never have wasted time before, so why start now? It’s time to move on and find someone who is strong enough to include me in their dream, in their life. I am just kicking myself in the ass, why waste so much time and emotion on someone who won’t do the same? See? No reason. I had fun, but in the end was it worth it? Was it worth getting my heart tramped on? I’m not so sure anymore. I love my new memories, but at the same time….