Losing my sense of security. Makes me a wuss.

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One thing that is really irritating me is it seems like my sense of security has gone out the window.  I double think everything these past few days.  Things that wouldn’t have phased me last week.  I think about my friend’s motives, I think about bad things happening if I leave my window open/Noodle in the car/alarm off, I think about things happening in my sleep.  Eh.  I have nightmares now, that is if I fall asleep.  I feel really vulnerable when I’m alone at night, and that in between stage, right before you fall asleep tweaks me out.  I start dreaming, I hear people calling my name and feel like I can’t move.  If I don’t wake up then, I go on to dream that I’m reliving Monday, except for all the feelings I had immediately after it are intertwined with the terror I felt at the moment.  Sometimes I dream of the things that could’ve happened if Robert wasn’t there.

It’s getting to me.  The only thing that I want, and the only thing that makes me feel safe, isn’t here.

I hope this ends soon.

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