One thing that is really irritating me is it seems like my sense of security has gone out the window. I double think everything these past few days. Things that wouldn’t have phased me last week. I think about my friend’s motives, I think about bad things happening if I leave my window open/Noodle in the car/alarm off, I think about things happening in my sleep. Eh. I have nightmares now, that is if I fall asleep. I feel really vulnerable when I’m alone at night, and that in between stage, right before you fall asleep tweaks me out. I start dreaming, I hear people calling my name and feel like I can’t move. If I don’t wake up then, I go on to dream that I’m reliving Monday, except for all the feelings I had immediately after it are intertwined with the terror I felt at the moment. Sometimes I dream of the things that could’ve happened if Robert wasn’t there.
It’s getting to me. The only thing that I want, and the only thing that makes me feel safe, isn’t here.
I hope this ends soon.