Moms vs. Moms FIGHT

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So I’ve been thinking, I remember when I was a member of CafeMom.com, there were always hellish debates on there about who had it worse.  Stay At Home Moms, Work Out of Home Moms or Work At Home Moms.  I swear, you couldn’t open a thread with out this horrendous fighting going on regarding that (or abortion rights, feminists, welfare etc).  (Whomever thought it was a great idea to give a bunch of hormonal mothers a site all for themselves is more bat shit insane than I ever could even aspire to be.)

Anyway, the argument went that SAHMs had it hard because they had to be “on the clock” 24/7.  A lot of women don’t get breaks from their husbands or boyfriends so there was that.  Working Mothers had it hard because they worked outside of the home (or inside) and still had to tackle the day to day bullshit with out the aid of said lazy penis.  I was stuck on the SAHM side.  Well, mostly because I was a stay at home mom.  It was fucking HARD.  Seriously.  Waking up at the ass crack of dawn, mixing bottles, cleaning, baby, cleaning, baby, cooking, fighting with my husband, cleaning, baby, bed, baby, bed, baby (oh my god stay asleep!!) and so on so forth.  For 2 years I stayed at home.  I felt like I was losing my mind, that I was under-appreciated, and that the coffee pot was talking to me (hey, at least I had a friend).  It was hard on me.  I am a social butterfly, and it felt like I was locked in this cage called motherhood.  So obviously SAHM’s had it harder.

Then Tim fucked up and lost his job.  I got one.

Yeaaah.  So that didn’t go over well.  I had to be at work by 9am, so I’d get up with my kiddo, get her dressed and myself ready, head to work for 9 hours, then come home to a filthy child/house and a hungry family.  I’d cook and clean and run my self ragged until the wee-hours of the morning, sleep for a couple hours and then back to work! It was rough, mostly because Tim was in a funk so all of the other chores fell to me.  So on my days off I’d be cleaning, doing yard work, whatever, and feel like I was missing my child’s life.  So then I was siding with the Working Moms.

Then I got divorced.  Wow.  So I figured out what topped it all off.  Doing all of the above with out the option of someone helping you.  Even if they never did.  Having someone to rant and whine to about my day, or to help watch my kiddo so I can take a shower that involves shaving both legs and crayon NOT on the wall.  It’s rough.  So I think about what I’d rather do.

That’s where it gets tricky.  Now is rough, being a single working mom is wearing my sanity thin.  Like cheese clothe thin.  But where as this choice is physically tiring, I still think being a stay at home mom is more mentally tiring.  I’m a social person though, so while I do have to go to work only to come home and clean my poor little ass off, work is my release.  I can talk to people, socialize, feel productive (not that sahms aren’t, they totally are).  It works for me.  I don’t think I could go back to being a stay at home mom, even though I’m at my wits end now.  I miss my daughter while I’m at work, I do, but it saves my sanity.  It’s just rough going at it alone.

So after 3 years now, I still don’t know what “job” is harder.  I don’t think I ever will.  All I know is that being a mother in any capacity is a tough job.  Some days we don’t do as good as we should, and some days we do so well we can sneer at the other mom at the park who just sprouted 3 new gray hairs at her 4 year olds tantrum.  It varies.  Instead of being jealous over one a another, or trying to figure out who had it worse, we should be congratulating each other.  We’re Mothers.  We haven’t killed our kids yet, and haven’t killed our husbands, boyfriends, ex husbands or sperm doners.  We’re all raising the generation to come, and unless they come out and kill fluffy kitties and big eyed puppies or grow up to murder Justin Beiber (as much as I would enjoy that), we’re doing a good job.

So kudos to all you moms of any capacity out there.  NOW WHO WANTS A FUCKING BEER?

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