As most of you know, I am divorced. Yes. At 24 years old I have my first husband under my belt. I also have a 3 year old, who is my number one reason for getting divorced. Yes. You read that right. No, I’m not just being a bitch and screwing with you. The biggest reason I left my ex-husband is my daughter.
I remember sitting back one day after the last epic blow out fight. I was drinking coffee in my apartment kitchen, pondering how much Tim’s bail would be with my best friend and I was thinking how amazing it was that my then 1.5 year old daughter slept through all of the commotion. It hit me like a semi-truck. The fact that I was even thinking that was WRONG. So that forced me to think about a lot of things. The fact that my daughter would laugh when Tim and I had those fights in front of my daughter (they were pretty rare, we managed to fight behind closed doors most of the time). The fact that our fighting was a normal part of the household.
As time went on, I thought more and more on the subject. I remembered my own parents. I saw them fight ONCE. Well kind of. They fought after my sister and I went to bed, my dad put his fist through the wall (with the telephone in it, who the hell knows) and my mom called the police and they were told to go to separate places for the night to calm down. And they did. That was the only fight I saw. EVER. What I grew up watching was two adults who loved each other. Who went out dancing together. Who had breakfast on Sunday mornings together while they jokingly teased each other. I saw hand holding and hugs. Kisses and those “Ewww Dad you look like you’re going to eat Mom’s face” looks. That’s what marriage is supposed to be.
Mine clearly wasn’t it. I thought about what my little one would grow up to see. Two people who fought over every little thing. Two people who were very familiar with the local police department. Two people who didn’t show affection. Ever. Two people who co-existed for their child.
I wanted my daughter to grow up knowing that her parents were happy. I want her to know that love is out there and you can tell by the way people look at each other.
I made the decision. I was getting a divorce. I made the decision for numerous reasons, but the most important one was so that my daughter could see her Father and I happy. That she could learn that you never stay with a man just because society expects you to, because you have children. That emotional/physical abuse is not normal. That her home(s) are filled with love instead of contempt.
So while things may not be perfect. My daughter sees me smile, she sees her Daddy smile, and she sees us get along and laugh and joke together (even if I’m choking him in my mind).
So while she doesn’t have the perfect nuclear family. She has family that loves her.