So I’m totally like.. a ninja.. or something.


So today I re-discovered my ninja skills.  I woke up at 9:30 (SHUT UP, Noodle was still at her Dad’s) and contemplated taking over Lake County, but after itching my non-existant balls for a second, I decided that that was too big of a job and that I would just take a shower.  You know.  I had that job interview?  I didn’t think my future boss would like it if I showed up to the interview smelling like cigarettes, rum and cherry lip gloss.

Made it through the shower.  However, I learned a lesson.  While I am super coordinated and have decent dance skills, dancing IN the shower is okay, trying to CONTINUE dancing on your way out is NOT.  Ninja Skill # 1:  I slipped with one foot out of the tub (ironically to a song called Falling Away) and fell directly into the half open door.  Meaning the edge of the door.  Yeaaah.  So I decided to just pretend that didn’t happen and get dressed.

I did make it to my interview in one piece, looking mighty snazzy if I do say so myself.  I just grabbed my mascara and eyeliner to do in the car.  So I TOTALLY waited for a stop light to do my mascara and I get the left eye done.  Move on to the right.  Apparently, dancing isn’t appropriate when you’re driving and putting on mascara.  Ninja Skill # 2:  I stabbed myself in the eye with the mascara wand.

So there I am pulling into the parking lot, wiping stab wound caused tears from under my eye.  Whatever.  I still looked good.  So in I walked.  As I’m walking down this ironically long hallway I’m thinking how I should be a gymnast because of how graceful I am.  I mean OBVIOUSLY graceful after the previous incidents.  I open the door into the office and (Ninja Skill # 3) TRIP over the rug.  Totally didn’t fall though.  I did one of those running trip things… you know like I did at Pugs Bar 2 weekends ago.  Toooootaly smooth.

I did however do really well in the interview. I will hear back by friday either way.  I’m praying I get the job… I’d love to trip over their threshold everyday.

After that I had to pick up the Short One formally known as my daughter, and go grocery shopping.  Jewel Osco is a great place to act a fool apparently.  So I’m shopping, my kid is running around, and annoying every single person over the age of 6 and life is good.  We go to the produce and I’m looking around like I might actually put some effort into cooking.  Noodle runs over to the Onions.  I think she’s going to knock over the one she’s touching so I snatch it out of her hand…. there for causing ALL OF THE ONIONS TO FALL (Ninja Skill # Oh I don’t know… fuck it).

Yeah.  I quit after that.  I’ve been at home since.  In my pajamas.  Staying away from sharp objects.

I did make some mighty tasty quesadillas from scratch though.


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