So today I re-discovered my ninja skills. I woke up at 9:30 (SHUT UP, Noodle was still at her Dad’s) and contemplated taking over Lake County, but after itching my non-existant balls for a second, I decided that that was too big of a job and that I would just take a shower. You know. I had that job interview? I didn’t think my future boss would like it if I showed up to the interview smelling like cigarettes, rum and cherry lip gloss.
Made it through the shower. However, I learned a lesson. While I am super coordinated and have decent dance skills, dancing IN the shower is okay, trying to CONTINUE dancing on your way out is NOT. Ninja Skill # 1: I slipped with one foot out of the tub (ironically to a song called Falling Away) and fell directly into the half open door. Meaning the edge of the door. Yeaaah. So I decided to just pretend that didn’t happen and get dressed.
I did make it to my interview in one piece, looking mighty snazzy if I do say so myself. I just grabbed my mascara and eyeliner to do in the car. So I TOTALLY waited for a stop light to do my mascara and I get the left eye done. Move on to the right. Apparently, dancing isn’t appropriate when you’re driving and putting on mascara. Ninja Skill # 2: I stabbed myself in the eye with the mascara wand.
So there I am pulling into the parking lot, wiping stab wound caused tears from under my eye. Whatever. I still looked good. So in I walked. As I’m walking down this ironically long hallway I’m thinking how I should be a gymnast because of how graceful I am. I mean OBVIOUSLY graceful after the previous incidents. I open the door into the office and (Ninja Skill # 3) TRIP over the rug. Totally didn’t fall though. I did one of those running trip things… you know like I did at Pugs Bar 2 weekends ago. Toooootaly smooth.
I did however do really well in the interview. I will hear back by friday either way. I’m praying I get the job… I’d love to trip over their threshold everyday.
After that I had to pick up the Short One formally known as my daughter, and go grocery shopping. Jewel Osco is a great place to act a fool apparently. So I’m shopping, my kid is running around, and annoying every single person over the age of 6 and life is good. We go to the produce and I’m looking around like I might actually put some effort into cooking. Noodle runs over to the Onions. I think she’s going to knock over the one she’s touching so I snatch it out of her hand…. there for causing ALL OF THE ONIONS TO FALL (Ninja Skill # Oh I don’t know… fuck it).
Yeah. I quit after that. I’ve been at home since. In my pajamas. Staying away from sharp objects.
I did make some mighty tasty quesadillas from scratch though.