The past 3 years have been complete and utter hell. Don’t get me wrong, there have definitely been some great points in it, but it’s been really rough. I spend a lot of time down in the dumps thinking, “This is not the life I wanted.”
After getting married I found out I was pregnant. My ex-husband’s and my marriage started going down hill from there with emotional and physical abuse, cheating and lying.
After my daughter was born, in June, I developed an abscess, which wasn’t discovered until October when I had surgery for something else. 4 months of extreme pain and vicodin, morphine, and tramadol.
The day before my surgery I got ill. Kind of like food poisoning, but it lasted until April 2008. After a misdiagnosis of Celiac Disease, I was finally diagnosed with Crohns. As I struggled to get better, my marriage got rockier.
I started making steps to move on. I started school and bought my house all through the police were all too familiar with my house. I finally asked Tim to leave last October, and filed for divorce. That didn’t go over well and I had to get an Order of Protection. After being emotionally terrorized for months, our divorce was finally finalized in June. During this time I have had a hard time of finding full time work and constantly had to depend on food stamps to feed my family and the pawn shop to pay my mortgage when my paychecks didn’t line up.
Here I am now.
Things are no where near easy, but I’m still here. My daughter still has food in her belly and clothes on her back. I am still employed (albeit part time). I am still sick but not to that extent thanks to a patient doctor and some tweaking of prescriptions. I am still here.
Sitting here this morning, sipping my coffee I’m just thinking about all of the times I had to fall back on my friends. Especially my “online” friends. I can’t tell you how many times Mel and Jenn talked me out of the dumps when I was sick. How many times I sat on the phone with Emily tweaking out about my ex-husband or anything else. Receiving text messages and private messages when I was hospitalized from no one else but them. They have stood there and talked me through shit that few others gave two craps about. I owe them a lot.
All of this because of CafeMom.com. A website I stumbled on as a new mother and joined. (Hey Jenn, remember that conversation about Wow Chips and Anal Leakage (yeah see I’ve always been a bit off)?) I met them there. I am so greatful for that stupid website, because with out it and all the crazies on it, I wouldn’t have my girls.
*raises coffee* Wuv yah girls…
just be glad I haven’t taken a shot yet. :)