She gets really upset when you call her a him.


I had a very interesting night Monday night/ Tuesday morning.  It turns out that the night isn’t ruined when you have a blow out fight in the city with a close friend who apparently no longer holds that status.  So let me start after the fight (purely because the topic of the fight is supposed to remain a secret and “you wouldn’t be a good friend if you told”).

So my friends leave and I’m sitting outside of the Green Dolphin chanting a consistent “oh crap oh crap oh crap” under my breath while my girl S comes up with several scenarios to get me back to my own county.  It seems that at the time I was a little less confident that I was okay with the city like I used to be.  So S is talking to some older man who helps us brainstorm and suggests running over my friend with his old beater car because “Well, we could just throw it in the lake when we’re done, it’s a worthless car.” So he ends up driving S home (or somewhere) and me to a gas station where I promptly called my sister.  She was nice enough to agree to pick me up and take me to Union Station so I could Metra it home.  I had never been to Union station, (except to sleep in the doorways years ago) so it would be fun.

So while waiting for my sister, I head in, buy my cigarettes (since mine magically disappeared from my pack) and an Amped.  Struck up a conversation with the gas station attendant who was actually really cool people.  I most likely had the deepest conversation I have had in a long time with a stranger, purely because he asked if I’d like to sit down.  My sister eventually pulled up and I headed out to Union.  So I get there and immediately get accosted by a crazy 60 something homeless lady.  At this point it’s 5am, and my train leaves at 7:01 so why not?  After she informs me that she likes younger women, I decide it’s time for some amusement and decide to tell her she can have a cigarette or two if she keeps me company.  I tell her we’re going on a trek to find me food, and I figure out where the mcdonalds was.  Then I preceed to take her ALL around Union, to every place but Mcdonalds.  All the while *Im* telling her I’m a cia agent and only dressed like a cheap hooker because I’m undercover.  She counters with being an undercover agent so undercover she can’t even tell me where she’s from.  So eventually I got bored and more hungry and gave her some smokes and let her on her way.

Get into the restaurant of heart attacks, and get my food.  Stuffing my face, I look over to see two guys close to my age and listen to the conversation.  Apparently they’re from *insert southern state here* and have been roaming the city for 24 hours and they *just can’t figure out the metra*.  So I shove the last of my sandwich in my mouth and ask where they are going an snag their metra map.  Glenview.  Same train and gate as mine, but theirs leaves at 633. I take them to get their tickets and find the gate.  I leave them there at around 6am and go to wander some more.  I step out to have a smoke and this guy around my age starts talking to me about where I’m going so dressed up and so on so forth.  I tell him I’m not really a hooker (and I looked better since I ditched the fishnets), and that I’m on my way home.  He informs me that he’d be flattered if he got called a hooker since obviously no one would pay to screw a guy who was dressed in 90s grunge (his words, truthful, not mine).  I got cold and wandered inside after telling him I didn’t have a phone because I lived under the over pass.

Crap.  There was still 30 minutes after that, so after getting hit on by a metra cop, I went to my gate.  Two kids from Lake Geneva were squatted outside the gate and were nice enough to invite me to sit on the floor.  Turns out they were coming back from a show, and fell asleep out in the park.  So I got to chat with them until we all got on the train and I promptly settled for staring at the very uncomfortable business man who winced every time I pulled down my skirt.  I thought about telling him I just had a baby in the bathroom, but I was simply too tired.

I arrived in Fox Lake at almost 845 yesterday morning.  I thought I’d be free of harassment at that hour, but nope, walking the mile back to my car in my skirt and heels gathered a bunch of hoots and whistles…. which one bought  me a coffee.  Bonus.  I got home at 930, and fell asleep for a couple hours.

That was my adventure.

This is what I learned:

-When people do something questionable, they want you to keep it a secret, and will go far to keep it so.
-My sister is awesome.
-Certain Trannies outside of a club are really bitchy.
-Crazy people are fun
-and sometimes it takes a night/morning of walking and talking to realize things about yourself, and your situation that you wouldn’t have otherwise realized.

It wasn’t a complete loss.


Oh.  And Karma comes around.


One thought on “She gets really upset when you call her a him.

  1. JenN-Moo

    Holy crap! You remind me of that “Rollercoaster Tycoon” game. When people see the roller coaster that is big and scary, they say “Blah Blah rollercoaster is too intense for me!” That’s your life, too intense for me!

    On a side note, I am SO glad you made it home safe and in one piece! (((HUGS)))

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