[So I’ve deleted what I’ve written 3 times already]
I kind of feel lost today. I really do. Not really “down” or “depressed” but… lost. Like I know where I have to go (in life) but I can’t find the right road. It’s just been a hard week, I lost a friend, and said my final good bye over his casket. I held his crying mother and held his sister tight. I viewed his smiling face on all the pictures and wanted to hug his leather coat. He’s gone, and I’m dealing with it, but the loss of someone so young, in such circumstances really rocked my world. I feel like someone took my internal compass and shook it.
I’m getting irritated with people way to easily. I look at strangers and get mad that they are still alive, while M is cold. I watch people complain about minuscule things, and think about not being able to breathe. At the same time I find myself striving to make new friends, to nurture relationships I already have, and open my eyes. There are so many relationships I take for granted every day, and I’m working on it.
I’m not deleting stuff.