I am sincerely sorry for this post, but at the current moment, I need to talk to someone and no one is available. So I’m writing, doing what I do best, this way I can continue on my day and hopefully not end up hysterical. Again, my apologies.
Today I’m trying not to lose it. I’ve got my daughter watching Zaboomafoo and eating biscuits so I can have a minute to myself. Today I don’t want to do it anymore. You know I will, and I know I will just to prove a point to myself, but I don’t want to. I feel like roadkill today and honest to god don’t want to continue like this. My Crohns is acting up, which makes the breakfast I just ate turn into severe stomach pain. Every single joint I have is on fire. My hands, knees, shoulders/neck and ankles are hurting. My back is so stiff that it hurts to move. I have a migraine and feel like I haven’t slept in days despite getting 7 (yet broken) hours last night. My uterus is trying to claw it’s way out and after a sip of orange juice I am now nauseous.
I’m really getting tired of doing this, especially by myself. My dad is helping out with the house, and Tim takes Noodle 2 days a week when he’s off, but beyond that I’m on my own. I need someone to talk to, but I feel uncomfortable complaining or even telling my closest friends how I am feeling (emotionally or physically). So I usually just say “I’m tired” or “I’m okay”. You know what? I’m not. I’m far from it. I’m having a hard time functioning and playing with my daughter. Today I wanted to play outside with Noodle and rake more leaves, but it hurts to sit. It hurts to stand.
I don’t even want to take my coffee out on the front step. Well that is if the first two cups didn’t make me vomit.
The fact that I am not doing all of the things I want makes me miserable. I should be taking Noodle to the forest preserve, but instead I’m telling myself tomorrow. I cleaned my kitchen, but the laundry can wait until tomorrow. I should be doing a lot of things, but honestly I just want to go to bed and that alone makes me want to cry.
I’m tired. I really really am.
I’m so mad. I could scream.