Your cat ate my Christmas tree. Shut up.


So it’s Christmas time.  Almost.  I’m already sick of the music.  Where I work we pump it in via satellite radio and by the end of my shift I’m contemplating stabbing myself in the ear drum or drinking a bottle of gin.  Either way at that point it’s a win-win for me.

Ahh Christmas.  The most wonderful time of the year.  I was reminded to be grateful this morning… I ran outside to my car to grab a few things and left the door open.  I’m rummaging through my car with my pink robe’s hood up not really paying attention but cussing up a storm since I was standing in a slush puddle.  I grab my crap and run back inside.  I walked into the kitchen to continue putzing around online and being lazy productive so I take my seat and go to take a sip of my coffee.

Then I spit it all over my laptop.  I looked at my Christmas Tree (which is much better than the Zomb-aids tree from last year fyi) and there’s a cat.  A CAT.  Chewing on it.  CHOWING DOWN.  I collected my bearings and calmly through my cd player remote at the cat.  After some scuffling I managed to grab it by the scruff and toss it back outside.

For those of you who didn’t know, I no longer have my cats.  I couldn’t afford to keep taking care of them all.  So to have my NEIGHBOR’S cat in my house caught me really off guard.  And this sucker was just sitting there enjoying himself looking all cute like outdoor cats do.  Grumble.  Seems like I’m destined to have cats in the house, one way or another.

Freakin’ furballs.


So yesterday.  I looked like a fool.  Well, more so than I usually do.  Annnd my neighbor commented on the hole in my jeans that is so conveniently placed on my ass cheek.

I was getting ready for work yesterday morning, trying to be productive and feeling like I was on top of the world.  I’m getting ready to walk out of the door, making sure I have everything and grab the trash bag.  Close the door behind me and walk up to my trash cans.  I thought to myself, man this is awesome, I’m so on top of things today.  Wait.  Where are my keys.  *headhood*  Yeah.  I left my keys in my house.  You know, the house keys, my time card and my car keys.  Fail.  My neighbor’s boyfriend walks out side.

Hey!  You look kind of skeevy.  Can you break into my house for me?

What’s skeevy mean?  You forgot your keys again huh?

Nevermind definitions.  Just break into the house.

Right.  Let me find a window.


So he finds a window and pries it open.  Offers to hoist me in.  It was my bedroom window, which is the SMALLEST one.  I literally just had to throw myself in and slide the rest of the way resulting in some awesome bruises on my thighs that could’ve come from much more entertaining activities.

THANKS dude, I appreciate it.  Best thief EVA!

What?  Yeah no problem.  Oh by the way girl, you got a hole in your jeans.  Nice.


And he walks off.  Jack ass.



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