You know, I look like a jackass now. I seriously do. I’ve spent the last year plus defending Tim. Refusing to fuck him in the ass when it comes to his daughter and his finances. Now he’s making me look like a jackass again… I swear, I’d think we were still married.
Every one asks me why I didn’t ask for alimony. I was a stay at home mom at his request, and when we split, I had no job and am still trying to find a better one. But you know what despite the fact that I gave him a grand when he left (to ensure he wasn’t homeless… turns out that didn’t help one bit… he blew it and lived with a friend) I didn’t want to financially burden him and give him a good chance to fix his life.
I seriously didn’t want to burden him. For the 9 months we were separated before our divorce was finalized, I never once asked for money, nor did I receive money. I paid his phone bill, I lent him money, filled his gas tank. I drove our daughter everywhere. When the opportunity came up to move, I passed it by because I would never want to take our daughter away from him.
We were divorced in June of this last year. In the divorce, the judge asked me about child support. Tim was working under the table and had a real job (making minimum wage). I was asked if I wanted the highest amount. I refused. I didn’t want to take a good chunk from his paycheck, because still 9 months later, he was up shit’s creek and I refused to fuck him over. I wanted my daughter to have a dad who could provide for her. The judge assigned him $75/month for child support. It’s not automatically deducted from his checks. The only other financial obligation via the courts that Tim has is to pay half of my sitters fees. Which at this moment in time (it was 3 times this much two months ago) is $80/month.
6 months later. He has payed me $75 once. In June. $20 once last month. But still, I don’t push it, he finally over turned his eviction and got his truck running. This month. He finally got a steady job. This month. Who cares that I can barely pay my mortgage payment and get my daughter her nessecities, I’ll make it. I’ll let Tim get on his feet. At my own expense.
I went out for a drink with my friend named Greg 3 nights ago. We were talking about where we would move if we could move anywhere. I mentioned California or somewhere along the east coast. He asked me why I wouldn’t just up and move now (in his defense, he had no idea about my ex husband). I explained that I would NEVER move away from my ex husband. That in my book, taking his daughter away from him is the worst thing I can do as a mother, and I have never wanted to fuck him… financially or otherwise. My daughter means the world to me, and he claims she means the world to him. So I’m in the midwest until she’s older. Traveling yes, moving no.
So this morning, Tim came over before work to drop Noodle off. He had agreed last week to take her tonight so I could go out for New Years. He has to work in the morning so he wasn’t going to go anywhere. Apparently he forgot. Apparently he made plans. Apparently I’m a “huge bitch” for ruining his plans. So I’m kind of miffed at this point but whatever, 6:30 am is not the time I want to be fighting with his stupid ass. So after he rants and raves for a bit, he says “Well we need to talk anyway”. I ask him what about. “I got a job offer in Colorado and might be moving.” I looked him dead in the face and said “So you are going to move cross country, away from your daughter?” He said (direct quote) “Hell yeah, I’ll move where the money is”. After another few minutes of fighting I gave up, and had him leave.
I feel sorry for my daughter. She has a fair weather Dad. He is good to her when he has her, but makes no plans for the future that include her. How can someone who loves their child move across the country away from them… for a job that makes the same amount of money he makes now at his STEADY JOB. How can someone who loves their child “more than the world itself” just up and leave.
He also has a son named Chad. Chad is 6 or 7 I think. His ex had the same experience with Tim that I did, except besides 1 year of court ordered child support for $300/month, and Tim has only seen him once since they separated in 2006. I should’ve known. Tim is a creature of habit. One who doesn’t care for his offspring except for when it’s convenient for him.
So now after more than a year, more than a year of me PAYING his bills, letting him slide on all child support and sitter fees, more than a year of driving Noodle to him, bringing her food and clothes, more than a year of struggling with no help from him, more than a year of defending him and refusing to move. Telling everyone I know that he was an awful husband but a good dad. More than a year of changing our schedules so he never had to pay a sitter himself, so it worked with his work schedule. More than a year of inconviencing myself and my daughter to help him… and now he’s going to drop everything and move away from her.
You know what? FUCK HIM. If he moves and leaves her with out a dad, I will FUCK him in the courts. I will fight him moving. If he moves then I WILL go to court and ask for more child support since he makes $300-$700/week vs my $450/month. I WILL ask for back pay. I will ask for auto deduct for that and the sitters fees. I WILL get what is court ordered and care for my daughter even if it breaks him financially.
Because if a father can’t be troubled enough to live in the same state as his daughter, why should I be troubled enough to care about his financial well being and “feelings”. I’ve been a door mat for too long, if you fuck over our daughter Tim. I’ll fuck you over. Fair is Fair.