Today is going to be a great day. I can just tell. I’ve been trying to kill people through my computer screen all morning, and, 2 hours after waking up, finally was calm enough to post a status on facebook.
You know. One that’s cute and funny, and slightly witty, so I don’t seem like as big of a bitch as I feel right now.
Half of my male readers just shook their head and thought “Pmsing much Sarah?”
The other half? “Ha, people think she’s Pmsing. Nope, she’s just a bitch”.
Thanks guys. I appreciate it. Just be glad I can’t reach you through this screen. Because I totally would.
Today my coffee intake is high. I think I’ve crossed the line.
It’s like this:
It’s going to be an interesting day. The Violence is Caffeinated in this one.
So. I’m standing at my side window. Watching my dogs obnoxiously roll in the snow/mud that is my “driveway”. It’s great. You know, I live for mopping and all, so why not? Lets turn my house into a mudbath?! DO IT. So, I’m standing there. Kind of twitching as my dog Star eats something resembling her own shit and all of a sudden… the tarp covering my lawn mower twitches. Twitches. Just like me. Did I just see that?
Well apparently I did. It wasn’t an caffeine induced hallucination. Lily saw it too. Then Star.
Then it’s like watching the Discovery Channel. Both dogs get real low to the ground. Tails straight back, Hair raised. I watch the tarp. If it’s a possum… ew. I’ll let the girls have it. But then.
Then. I see a nose. A cute furry nose, which if you didn’t know, possum’s do NOT have cute noses. Then whiskers poke out. OMG IT’S A BUNNY.
Here is where you see I’m a bit off. Instead of going outside, or opening my windows. I grab a spatula. A fucking spatula. I open the back door. I watch my dogs stalk the bunny for minute. THEN FLING THE SPATULA AT THEM.
For your information. It was a plastic spatula. One that wouldn’t hurt my dogs. Or one that I wouldn’t miss when I’m cooking. Because that’s important too.
Both dogs yelp as if they’re under attack. And bolt straight under my legs and back in the crate. I watch as said bunny pokes his nose out. And then comes completely out after realizing it’s safe. I shut the door and wish I had rabbit for rabbit stew.
Yes. My big bad pit mixes just got scared by a bunny and a spatula.
It’s one of those mornings.
And I haven’t retrieved my spatula.
And I made a fresh pot of coffee.