I just threw a spatula at my dog.


Today is going to be a great day.  I can just tell.  I’ve been trying to kill people through my computer screen all morning, and, 2 hours after waking up, finally was calm enough to post a status on facebook.
You know.  One that’s cute and funny, and slightly witty, so I don’t seem like as big of a bitch as I feel right now.

Half of my male readers just shook their head and thought “Pmsing much Sarah?”
The other half?  “Ha, people think she’s Pmsing.  Nope, she’s just a bitch”.
Thanks guys.  I appreciate it.  Just be glad I can’t reach you through this screen.   Because I totally would.

Today my coffee intake is high.  I think I’ve crossed the line.

It’s like this:

or +Meth

It’s going to be an interesting day.  The Violence is Caffeinated in this one.

So.  I’m standing at my side window.  Watching my dogs obnoxiously roll in the snow/mud that is my “driveway”.  It’s great.  You know, I live for mopping and all, so why not?  Lets turn my house into a mudbath?!  DO IT.  So, I’m standing there.  Kind of twitching as my dog Star eats something resembling her own shit and all of a sudden… the tarp covering my lawn mower twitches.  Twitches.  Just like me.  Did I just see that?

Well apparently I did.  It wasn’t an caffeine induced hallucination.  Lily saw it too.  Then Star.

Then it’s like watching the Discovery Channel.  Both dogs get real low to the ground.  Tails straight back, Hair raised.  I watch the tarp.  If it’s a possum… ew.  I’ll let the girls have it.  But then.

Then.  I see a nose.  A cute furry nose, which if you didn’t know, possum’s do NOT have cute noses.  Then whiskers poke out.  OMG IT’S A BUNNY.

Here is where you see I’m a bit off.  Instead of going outside, or opening my windows.  I grab a spatula.  A fucking spatula.  I open the back door.  I watch my dogs stalk the bunny for  minute.  THEN FLING THE SPATULA AT THEM.

For your information.  It was a plastic spatula.  One that wouldn’t hurt my dogs.  Or one that I wouldn’t miss when I’m cooking.  Because that’s important too.

Both dogs yelp as if they’re under attack.  And bolt straight under my legs and back in the crate.  I watch as said bunny pokes his nose out.  And then comes completely out after realizing it’s safe. I shut the door and wish I had rabbit for rabbit stew.

Yes. My big bad pit mixes just got scared by a bunny and a spatula.

It’s one of those mornings.

And I haven’t retrieved my spatula.

And I made a fresh pot of coffee.


One thought on “I just threw a spatula at my dog.

  1. JenN-Moo

    Make sure to wear the apron cape when you retrieve the spatula. Then run around the yard with your arms and legs flailing (like Phoebe in “Friends”), it’ll make your day SO MUCH BETTER!

    <3 you!

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