So I seriously think I’m basically a dude.  (And no this is not an admission of being transgender… but the rumor mill will work nonetheless.) I do.  I’m reminded of this time and time again when I talk to my girl friends and when I talk to my guy friends.  Even when I attract the inevitable guy-who-acts-like-a-girl.

Besides the fact that I prefer to be covered in mud/dirt/oil vs getting my nails done or I’m pretty sure I’d rather drink beer in a driveway vs going to a 5 star restaurant, I think my MIND is male.  I just don’t process anything like the majority of the girls I know.  (There are a few, VERY AWESOME, exceptions. )  I just don’t.

I’m the perfect person for a girl to come to to get advice about her man.  However, my guy friends know not to ask me about their females because my responses and advice usually consists of  “Ehhhh fukk it” or “she’s being dramatic, have a beer”.

The biggest reason I think I have a “male mind” is that I don’t analyze-every-little-pointless-action/word-to-the-point-of-getting-infidelity-from-him-using-2-coffee-creamers-instead-of-one over think things.  I just don’t.  I’m very much in the here and now.  For instance, if someone doesn’t want to shoot another game of pool with me, I think : “Well, either I’m that awesome of a pool player (read: highly unlikely) or he’s full of lame”.  Apparently I’m supposed to think : “Is he mad at me?  Does he haaate me?  Did I do something wrong?  ANYTHING?  I’LL DRINK MY DRINK WITH TWO STRAWS NEXT TIME INSTEAD OF THROWING ONE AWAY! I PROMISE!”

Ugh. Who cares.  I don’t.  As far as I’m concerned, if you’re mad at me, you should have the balls to say something.  Until then, meh.  If someone does something I don’t like, I say something or I let it go.  Some people have spent WEEKS being pissed at me, and I just don’t pick up on it.  Hell.  Guys have spent WEEKS hitting on me, and again… basically a dude, I don’t pick up on subtle hints.

Most of the friends I have realize this, and deal with it.  (Or spend too much time having an issue with it)  I just don’t think about shit like that.  However.  The inevitable happens.  Every few months I attract the guy-who-really-has-a-vagina and *I* end up getting over analyzed.  This happened for the second time in 6 months, and I’m trying to not rip his face off and give him a chance.  But it’s hard.  Being analyzed goes completely against my personality.

I went out dancing last Saturday.  I knew a bunch of people and was in a great mood! Man-Vag showed up and it was alright.  I knew a lot of people that night so I was kind of busy.  So when it was time to go home, I said good bye to Bry (a good friend) and Man-Vag jumped in between us and interrupted.  It has since been explained that *he wasn’t aware my good friend were guys* (HEADDESK).  Then I went to say goodbye to Ky, Bry’s room mate, also a friend of  mine.  Apparently Man-Vag interrupted me again and I turned around and told him to “Fuck off” and went back to my convo.

Okay.  While I can see where he got butthurt, me telling someone to “Fuck off” or “Go to Hell” is pretty much par for the course.  I think I pretty much tell everyone I know to screw themselves at one point in our friendships, if not weekly.  Or daily.  LoL It’s not meant to be hostile, it’s just me.  You interrupt me, and I’ll tell you off, finish my conversation, and talk with you later.  Plus, if I’m smiling, yeah.  Seriously?

So anyway, I don’t even remember doing that, I don’t doubt that I did.  But Man-Vag dwelled on it for a couple days.  Thinking I was mad or something.  Wondering what he did.  (See what I’m getting at?)  When he asked me, I drew a blank and told him to get some midol, I wasn’t mad.

That was 5 days ago.  Since then he’s asked me if I was mad because A. He left the pool hall early.  B. because I said I’d just meet up with him later since I didn’t want to go to some dive bar.  C.  Because it took me 15 minutes to respond to a text re: me saying fuck off on Saturday.  I could go on and on and on.

I think I should come with a manual.

If I’m mad.  I’ll TELL YOU I’m mad.  If you ask me if I’m mad enough (see: more than once), I WILL BE MAD.  I don’t analyze your actions to a T, so don’t analyze me.

It’s just getting annoying.  The only place that’ll get you is the bottom of lake michigan.

So ladies and gentlemen.  Remember this.  Don’t over think.  It’ll just get you into trouble.  It’s annoying and unneeded.

If you’re with someone who expects you to know they are mad because they refused to order lemonade at dinner… yeah.  I’d move on.



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