I’m functioning. Eh. It’s better than NOT.

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I think the biggest thing  I hate about the dreaded stomach monster, also known as Crohns Disease, is that it mocks me.  Seriously.  Not hallucinating.  Although I may give the disease a proper name… which says something about my state of mind.  Suzanne maybe?  Eh.  Yeah.  So I was saying… oh yeah.  MOCKING.

Crohns disease is really hard to deal with, especially when you throw in other ailments, but honest to god, what gets me the most, is that out of NOWHERE, I’ll have a good day.  My intestines will be behave.  My body won’t ache *as much*.   I won’t need 2 naps to get through the day.  I’ll be… well, as close to normal as possible for me.  My hopes will soar!

Then the next day I’ll crash.  I’ll be either in my bed or the bathroom all day.  Going out?  Yes, I still try, but it’s increasing difficult to explain to people that “I’m fine, I’m just hunched over because it’s the new style.  All the gangsters are doing it.”

It’s especially hard for people to fathom how sick I can be when I DO have good days, when my sickest part of the day is in the morning.  So I think between that, my tendency to down play my disease, and people’s general ignorance to IBD… most people think I have a tummy ache.   That being said, when I finally have a bad enough day that I cry out for help… people kind of brush it off.

One of my Crohns friends put it best.  Crohns Disease just doesn’t seem serious to people since they can’t *SEE* what’s wrong (minus weight loss… which most people envy).  So because I’m not in wheel chair, missing an eye or fucking purple…. it doesn’t phase people.

You know, half the time, I’m glad people can’t tell I’m sick.  But the other half?  I just want to print out the Wiki page and throw it at people.

Crohns disease definitely effects my social/romantic life.  It does.  Maybe not to the extreme that some “Crohnies” have to deal with (seeing as how I have to basically be dying to stay in… and sometimes I’ll still leave my house), but it does.  On bad days, I don’t drink beer, or eat greasy food or spicy food.  It upsets my stomach.  Now try explaining that to your “Hey, lets order a pizza and grab a 24 case!” friends.  Or hell.  If my day is really bad, I usually don’t eat dinner since it goes right through me, and makes me feel sick at night.  There goes the majority of my dates.   The biggest impact is I NEVER sleep anywhere but my home.  My worst times are from around 5am-Noonish.  I am in and out of the bathroom… and omg you need a gas mask hahaha.  So I’d rather be at home.  I’d rather be in the privacy of my fortress, where no one has to witness it.  There goes house parties, girl’s night sleepovers (yes I’m almost 25  but I loooove them), camping (though I did buck up last summer with Nick, mostly because he was used to my Crohns behavior), and such.  While most people understand why I want to go home, the crohns-un-educated don’t get it.  Guys run away after I explain to them why I only ate two bites and turn green.  Friends get mad when I refuse to do late night coffee after a night of dancing.  It’s hard for them to understand it, and I’m sick of explaining it.

I don’t know.  I’m rambling here, but quite honestly it’s just good to vent.  This stupid disease gets me soo frustrated.

 

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