I’m not sure what has crawled under my skin today. Mister Anxiety is back. Curse you Mister Anxiety. I don’t care if you’re handsome and always there for me… seriously go screw yourself!
I woke up this morning and made my daily trek towards my coffee maker. As I’m stumbling through the house I’m noticing this and that that I need to clean up. The floor I need to work on. The laundry I need to do. OH! There’s the Crohns. Time to hide in the bathroom. Okay. Back on track. Coffee. Right. Oh the curtains need to be washed. Didn’t I want to make a big dinner tonight? Why are all these puzzle pieces on the ground?! Oh yeah! COFFEE. Aw shit. The dogs tracked mud through the kitchen. I didn’t see that spilled juice box last night! Wth! Oh man, I should go grocery shopping.
Okay. It’s a pretty well known fact that stress will help kick Crohns into full gear. Seems easy to take a step back and calm down and lead a stress-free life right? I should do some yoga or some shit huh? For someone with an anxiety disorder, some days it’s damn near impossible.
I’ve been sitting at my kitchen table with my coffee for about 45 minutes now trying to get my head in order. Trying to make myself realize that if I don’t manage to get to washing the curtains today, God will not rain down fiery fury on me. In my head, the logic is there, but then there is this unrelenting urge to get stuff done. To get to my to do list, to overwhelm myself.
It’s not working.