Cello Rock. Like Sex for my ears.

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This is going to be random.  Seriously.  A lot has went on for the past few days anddddd…. I’ve had writers block the entire time.  So yeah.  My bad if it doesn’t make much sense.

^^^
I love this group.  Something about their music just reaches me.  More than any band/singer/artist could.  I’m not sure why.  Watch the entire video and relax.  <3

Anywho.

So I am quite alive today. Last night was horrible horrible horrible.  Lets go back a tiny bit farther though.

Yesterday.  I got my loading doses of Humira.  Oh.  And to my fellow Crohnies who are on Humira.  YOU LIED.  Oh my god.  It was like getting a penicillin shot all over again… except for like 4 times.  Frick.

It was honestly difficult for me though.  I mean.  The shots were tolerable.  (sidenote: have you seen my tattoos and piercings?)  It was driving to the office.  It was walking in there.
What it came down to was that when I got those injections.  I was ultimately facing my demons.  I was facing the fact that I have Crohns Disease.  I am sick.  It’s always going to be there, whether or not it’s in remission.  Whether or not I’m showing symptoms.

I know I have the disease of course children.  I’ve been dealing with the emotional and physical symptoms for a while now.
It’s just that those stupid Humira Pens were like making it official.
I don’t know if that makes any sense or not, but it does in my head, and I guess that’s the most important thing.

So driving there, I thought a lot.  I replayed the last few years.  I grieved the things I’ve missed out on, the things I will hopefully get back through this drug.
I thought about luck.
I thought about love.
I thought about my body.
I thought about a lot of shit.

It was hard I guess.  Emotionally I mean.

 

So, like I said, I got my loading doses.  After falling asleep talking to my GI.  What?  I was exhausted and he was recanting the last few years.  I KNOW THEM.  I LIVED THEM.  ZzzZ.
I got sent home with my trusty Humira pens and quite frankly I was exhausted.

By the time I got back to my town (My G.I. is 45 minutes away), I had developed a mediocre fever.  That on top of my normal aches and pains (which Dr thinks is arthritis) and my fistula pain… I was nearly in tears.  I laid in bed for almost 7 hours before I took enough klonopin to fall asleep.  It was rough.  I hurt all over and could barely run to the bathroom when needed.  Which to the Crohnies… that’s important.  We’re good sprinters :).

At some point I fell asleep on the floor.  And slept for 11 hours.  Yup.  It was the kind of sleep where you don’t dream because of pure exhaustion and plentiful drugs.
I feel better today.  The fever’s gone.  And that’s all that matters.

Day 1 of Humira.

I’m alive.  :)

 

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5 thoughts on “Cello Rock. Like Sex for my ears.

  1. binkythebomb

    Ah, Humira is taken as several injections? That I didn’t know. I take (when its required) infliximab, which is done via an IV and takes a few hours to get it all in. The good news is, you’ve taken the first steps on these meds, which is good because it gets easier from this point… kinda. Remember that not everyone suffers with this the same, they’ll be spending a while experimenting with your meds to get the balance right.

    Right now I’m on Immune suppressors, Iron Tablets, Steroids and as much snack food I can stomach (because of the steroids). My weight is up to a healthy 12 stone, my energy levels are way up and my concentration is back to a razors edge. Compare now to three weeks ago, when I was depressed, lethargic, having no energy and no appetite… the difference is huge. I’ve had this thing 20 years now and it still kicks my arse every winter, and every new year i;m back on the meds (and pies) again.

    Once they know how your body copes with and without meds, then then can test you as often as you need to be to keep on top of it. One blood test every 3-6 months is a small burden to pay for keeping spry, chipper and active.

    As long as you’re not on a ‘specialist diet’ you’ll be fine.

    • Thanks for the comment! Anyway, Humira is usually only 1 shot every other week, but the first two “rounds” are 4 shots, then 2. It’s a pain. Infliximab is Remicade is it not? Correct me if I’m wrong, I get them all sorts of mixed up. My friend is also on Remicade, it works for her where Humira didn’t.. I’m actually half jealous of the Infusions… I’m really not looking forward to the shots.

      Anyway, I hope you keep getting better, and keep in touch! :)

  2. congratulations on besting Day 1. a true feat, eh? i’ve mined your blog a bit tonight and have decided taht you are quite something and i’m very glad to have found you.

    i am perhaps approaching my final weeks on Remicade and switching over to Humira. we’ll see whether the latest onslaught of side effects can be overcome. i hope that your next experiences with the shots are not quite so… memorable. :)

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