Okay. There are many many things I have learned in my 25 years on this earth. Many.
Sure, there’s important ones like *Feed the dogs or they’ll eat your child* or *Pay your mortgage, you’re car is uncomfortable*. You know. The normal stuff. *The cat does not belong in the dryer* and *Blogging while drinking is not smart, my dad has my url*. Or the best? *Answer the door to the police WEARING PANTS* (Sorry Dad.)
However, there are plenty of lessons that OTHER people should’ve learned about me and my house by now. I mean some of them are common sense:
-Do not jump in the bonfire, it’s not funny, in fact the paramedics don’t think so either (circa 2005)
-If I say you can burn (insert household object here) make sure I’m sober.
-Do not try to shave any animal on premise.
-Do not break beer bottles unless you intend on cleaning them up.
-Do not under any circumstance eat my cheetos/cashews/popsicles. People have died.
Then there’s the ones that are a little more obvious, mostly based upon who I am:
-Do not drink my Jack unless given permission from me… WHEN IM SOBER
-Do not draw on my walls (EVERYONE must follow this rule.. ahem kid)
and come on now seriously… do not leave crap at my house… it becomes mine.
I can’t tell you how much crap I have in my house that didn’t originally belong to me. (<- Heh, you like that… as in MINE) Ranging from the TWO pairs of aviators to ENTIRE outfits. The same goes for liquor/beer, hoodies, food, shoes (Andi, I still have your skater shoes… they don’t fit me… oh and Rob, I have your work boots), books and miscellaneous jewelry and make up.
So come on people. Stop leaving crap in my house (or car). Just the week I have aviators and a hoodie. If you ask nicely I might give them back.