“Hey Fuckass, Gimme a Beer”


Okay.  There are many many things I have learned in my 25 years on this earth.  Many.
Sure, there’s important ones like *Feed the dogs or they’ll eat your child* or *Pay your mortgage, you’re car is uncomfortable*.  You know.  The normal stuff.  *The cat does not belong in the dryer* and *Blogging while drinking is not smart, my dad has my url*.  Or the best?  *Answer the door to the police WEARING PANTS* (Sorry Dad.)

However, there are plenty of lessons that OTHER people should’ve learned about me and my house by now.  I mean some of them are common sense:
-Do not jump in the bonfire, it’s not funny, in fact the paramedics don’t think so either (circa 2005)
-If I say you can burn (insert household object here) make sure I’m sober.
-Do not try to shave any animal on premise.
-Do not break beer bottles unless you intend on cleaning them up.
-Do not under any circumstance eat my cheetos/cashews/popsicles.  People have died.

Then there’s the ones that are a little more obvious, mostly based upon who I am:
-Do not drink my Jack unless given permission from me… WHEN IM SOBER
-Do not draw on my walls (EVERYONE must follow this rule.. ahem kid)
and come on now seriously… do not leave crap at my house… it becomes mine.

How do people WEAR these? I look like a pale Eric Estrada.

I can’t tell you how much crap I have in my house that didn’t originally belong to me. (<- Heh, you like that… as in MINE) Ranging from the TWO pairs of aviators to ENTIRE outfits.  The same goes for liquor/beer, hoodies, food, shoes (Andi, I still have your skater shoes… they don’t fit me… oh and Rob, I have your work boots), books and miscellaneous jewelry and make up.

So come on people.  Stop leaving crap in my house (or car).  Just the week I have aviators and a hoodie.  If you ask nicely I might give them back.


2 thoughts on ““Hey Fuckass, Gimme a Beer”

  1. I agree with your thoughts here and I precisely love your blog! I’ve bookmarked it so that I can come back & read more in the future. Your post is very interesting. I’ve read your blog for few days now and I trully enjoy your blog. Thank you for your great work!

Reply, do it, you know you want to!

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