Okay. I’m writing about this purely to get it off of my chest. My goal as of late is to not let other people’s issues bother me, to not be a door mat to other peoples insecurities, but unfortunately this one has been in the back of my head and I need to get it out for it to stop bothering me.
So last Tuesday I went out. It’s industry night at Pugs and I know I’ll hear some decent music and be able to get some dancing in, even if I’m the only one doing it. :) So I invited my friend J along. He’s been coming out with me more and more so I figured what the hell, he’s getting into music and would like to hear the different genres being spun.
Off we go. We get there and he continues to drink and talk to his friend he brought. I wander off and talk to my friends, amazingly a lot more of them were there than normal that day. The night progresses. J continues drinking, I yell at the cubs game, music is played. My friend M shows up. Now… I hate to clarify but this is part of the story so I have to. J is white. M is black. Clear? Okay. So M and I always give each other shit and what not, all in good fun of course. I ended up talking to him a few times before bar close, and each time I did, J would ask me “You alright homie?” or “You good?” or “need help?” and to put it lightly it got FUCKING ANNOYING. But whatever, a lot of people “look out for me”, and J just didn’t seem to realize that M was my FRIEND and I’m completely safe at Pugs.
So 2 am rolls around and we shuffle outside to the parking lot to wait for Ky to get his equipment so we can go home. M comes outside with me and we start talking about that Thursday’s plans for FML. He had wanted to see if he could get a ride, and seeing as how I’m the driver 90% of the time, I’m the person to talk to.
J stumbles up, right in front of M, and says “Dude, No (while shaking his head). You need help?” I told him that M is my friend and we’re just talking about FML. M starts laughing and says “Is it a problem if a black dude rides in the car with you? You have a problem with black people?” (Let me add on, this was said in jest and during laughter). J responds with “No, do you have a problem with white people?” and M is walking away at this point says “Haha Yes.” We yell our good byes and leave.
On our way to drop J off, he’s raving in the back seat about being proud of his race, and just trying to look out for me. I dropped the race thing and Ky and I tried calming him down with the fact that everyone at pugs looks out.
Once I finally got home, J started texting me. He started with “Really dude?”. I asked him what was wrong. He went on to say I’m like his little sister and that if I actually gave a shit I’d see that he cares about me more than most guys. He spews a little bit more trash talking about the fact that I was talking to M, trash talking about him being black. I ask him WTF his problem is and tell him to go to bed. He starts insulting me and continuing to say he looks out for me, that I shouldn’t talk to M (because of race) and then … the ultimate no no, insults me, my son, and my sons father.
You know, I can forgive almost anything if you’ve been drinking. However, if you insult my family, any part of it, I deem that as unforgivable.
I stopped talking.
He had deleted me off facebook, and since then he has tried to re-add me, message me, and the like.
I am not responding.
Apparently in the mean time he’s telling our mutual friends that “I’m talking shit”. I’m letting that one roll. You know, we’re not in high school any more children. It’s up to you to decide who to believe, but let me put it like this. When a man in their late 20’s is spreading rumors about “shit talking”… that says something. Grow up.
But you know what? I’m NOT a door mat for HIS insecurities. His issues with other races. His apparent issues with us just being friends. I am not a door mat, and I will not be insulted, hurt, and walked on…. and I will not forgive those who try.
So J, I hope things go well for you and your life gets better. Maybe in the future you can learn how to treat a good friend of 10 years, because this sure as hell isn’t it.