Cocaine’s a helluva drug

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Drugs.  Druuuugs.  It seems like almost everyone I know does them.  It seems like more than half of them do drugs beyond pot.  Drugs.  It’s the cool thing to do apparently.  Has been since I was in 8th grade.  It’s just now occurring to me how sad it is that I’ve been seeing friends get fucked up on drugs since I was a KID.  Oh well.  I have a weird stance on drugs.  It varies by what drug we’re talking about and who you are to me.

Weed.  I do not care if you smoke weed.  Hell.  Smoke more.  At least I know an easy gift for your birthday…. they have these cute little glass bowls at my favorite smoke shop.  :) I believe that pot is safer than drinking.  I would much rather hang out with someone who is stoned than drunk. I will get into a car with someone who has been smoking but I’ll likely steal your keys if you’ve been drinking.  Weed does not bother me.  I think it should be legal (with similar restrictions as alcohol, ie: age, DUIs, etc…. and hello lets TAX IT).  -Weed is a gateway drug.- -To WHAT? My refrigerator??- Whatever.  That being said.  I do not like weed.  Sure when I was like 14 years old I smoked a few joints hanging out at the park with my friends, but beyond that.  Not for me.  It makes me feel funny.  Makes me want to take a nap.  Which is not productive to my plan to annoy the world.  But whatev.  It’s just not for me.

When I was in my late teens I was hanging out with a crew that seemed to favor cocaine and heroin.  Sprinkle in a little meth and shrooms and they were golden.  They got fucked up on drugs.  I got silly on PBRs (ewww.  I STILL can’t drink that beer).  It was all gravy.  I never understood the draw to those drugs.  1. They were too expensive, 2. You act retarded on them, and 3. Dude, we have beer!.  I still didn’t really care.  Until one day I watched something that still scores the underside of my eyelids.  My friend ODed.  He was sitting next to me.  I looked over and he was blue.  911. He flatlined. Don’t worry.  He’s still alive… and still doing coke… and we’re not friends anymore.  I WATCHED my friend DIE.  Now?  I still think drugs are your choice.  However, if you’re injecting shit, snorting shit, dropping shit (ie coke, heroin, crack, meth etc) you are NOT my close friend.  If a close friend of mine does any of these drugs, I promptly try to remove their balls or ovaries.  NOT COOL.  I do not want to watch a friend OD.  I’m not a fan of pills either for the record… dude.  Seriously? Gross.

For YEARS I’ve been the only one who doesn’t do anything besides drink.  I haven’t even tried anything besides a little pot.  I’m not interested.  It’s almost humorous when my friends are smoking and some one new tries to pass the bowl to me.  Everyone chuckles and recounts how they saw me smoke 6 ( or insert random number here)  years ago.  How I NEVER smoke.  How I’m a drunk.  lol  It’s cool.  I often say I’m the only one in lake county who doesn’t do drugs.  I’ve been proud of that reputation.  Especially being part of a few different scenes where harder drugs are rampant.

Well kids.  I learned something about myself the week before last.

Apparently I snort coke off the back of toilets.

Yeah.  I was pretty surprised to hear of that too.  Cocaine is a hell of a drug…

It was any other night, we were finishing up the night at Pug’s.  Pugs.  You know.  My home bar.  Where I consider the employees to be damn near friends.  I didn’t have my kid and had just gotten hired at one of my jobs so I got silly.  I had too much to drink.  Closing time came and we were rounding up to get going when one of the bouncers asked me to talk to him outside of the bar.  Cool cool.  I spend more time bothering them than anyone else there.  So I step outside and dude asks me if I lost anything.

-sidenote:  I lose everything when I’m drinking.  I’ve had people scrambling to find my cell, purse, jacket, top shirt, pretty much anything I can lose, I do.

So I quickly checked my pocket for my cell phone.  Wheew.  It was still there.  I always worry about losing my cell phone since I’ve had one stolen at a club and dropped on in a toilet… yeah.  I’m awesome like that.  I don’t normally bring anything into Pugs as is.. I don’t get carded so no id.  I use cash most times if I’m buying.  I don’t wear enough makeup to carry it with me so no purse.

So yeah. Phone.  Check.  What did I lose?

He pulls out my ID.

OH SNAP.  I forgot about that, we had gone to another bar first so I had my ID in my back pocket.  Thanks so much for finding it!

Then he starts talking.  He found my ID in the bathroom!

Sweet! I say.  Thanks.  I’ve lost many a card from putting it in my back pocket.  You know.  Pulling down your pants… things just come out of your pockets.  So thanks!

He tells me that he found it on the back of the toilet.

Okay…. thanks.

Well apparently that’s a sign of doing drugs.  You’re going to laugh at what I said next.

“So if I want drugs I just leave my ID on the back of the toilet?! Dude.”

Yeah.  I think it should’ve been painfully obvious at that point that I’m not a user.  LoL

He explained to me that people use their IDs with cocaine and then snort it off of the back of toilets.

I promptly said ewwwwww and grossed myself out.

Then he said if I was caught again I would be banned.  I wouldn’t be allowed at my home bar.

“Wait.  What?!”  It finally occurred to me that he thought *I* was doing coke in the bar.  That I was doing line in the bathroom.  ME.  I started crying.

I told him I wasn’t mad at him, that he was just doing my job, and I left to go sit in my car and cry.

I’ve been back since, but found out that everyone there now is thinking I do cocaine.  I even know who found my ID.  I had gone back on Thursday night and felt like everything I normally do was being analyzed.

I’m the girl who will dance by herself.  I love dancing.  I’ve had people ask me if I’m on something before, because apparently it’s not normal to dance (to electronic music) by yourself if you’re not high.  But whatever.  So for the first time ever.  I would start dancing and then immediately think… “Do they think I’m using because I’m dancing?” “Am I dancing too fast?” and tears would well up.  I’d stop dancing.. then I’d go sit by the bar for a bit.

I don’t let rumors and shit bother me.  I don’t.  I don’t really care that much about what people think.  But this whole cocaine thing has got me in a weird place.  I’m so PROUD of the fact that I don’t do drugs that this idea of cocaine hurts.  People I thought I was slowly making friends with are wondering what I put up my nose.

My home bar doesn’t feel like a 2nd home now.  It feels like high school.

I don’t know.  I’m slowly distancing myself from there.  I don’t feel right.  I feel… like a scum bag.  I know I shouldn’t care that some people think I do drugs.. but for some reason I do.

I guess I’ll just keep on keeping on.  I’ll still be that weird girl dancing to House by herself.  I’ll still be drug free.  Except for now, people won’t believe it. 

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5 thoughts on “Cocaine’s a helluva drug

  1. Rickey Rudy

    It’s going to bother you. I just hope that it doesn’t ruin your home bar for you. People say what they think without investing too much thought into the process. I would figure that most people that hang there as often as you would know what is true. If they don’t well, then they missed out.

    My burning question if it was me? Who found my id and used it, and either turned it to the bouncer or left it to be found? That person would NOT be a friend or even a friendly type.

    I am glad that physically you are feeling better!
    Rickey

  2. It’s ridiculous! Thankfully 90% of the people who have heard about that night laughed… seeing as they know I’m drug free. But that 10% who don’t know me so well.. eh. I’m just hurt is all.

    The thing is, no one used it for coke (as far as I could tell), and I know who found it and told the bouncers. She is an employee there. I’m chalking it up to her not knowing me well enough instead of some petty “I don’t like Sarah” issue. *shrugs*

    Oh well. Grrr. I guess I’m just wound up. Thanks for commenting!

  3. Assumptions suck and they are hurtful. It’s a sucky situation, but sounds like a majority of your peeps are on your side…so that is cool. Good luck! Don’t give up on your hang-out.

  4. I’m betting it fell out of your back pocket, and someone set it on the toliet thinking you’d go back and find it… or something of that sort.

    Personally I’d say go back there in all of your pride and glory, be you, and prove that you don’t need to fuck up your brains to have fun. You have nothing to hide, so don’t.

    Accusations always hurt, no matter what they are, but we all know that you’re better than that… better than them.

    And if my dang dogs (one of them a certified drug sniffer, lol) were not barking my brains out I could go on and on… Lubs ya

  5. Em, I did go back. I had a blast. As far as I know the bouncers are all cool, and from what I hear, they’ve all heard about it, but most of them laughed. So whateve. It’s annoying but I think in a few weeks they won’t even remember it. :)

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