I’ve always prided myself in being a strong woman. I’m damn proud of what I’ve accomplished from material possessions to overcoming my fears to what my body has lived through. I am a strong woman, I see strength when I look into the mirror. Sometimes though. Just sometimes, I’d like to not HAVE to be strong. I’d like to relish in my accomplishments instead of pushing through to the next goal…because I don’t have a choice.
You all know I’m a single mom. If you didn’t… short story: divorced my ex-husband because he is an ass. I don’t regret being married, I got an awesome short one out of it, I regret marrying such a fucking douche bag. It seems like every month or so he ups his douche-baggery level and Noodle and I are left with the fallout.
For the record to the new lurkers, I don’t receive child-support nor do I receive the payments for half of the daycare expenses. Both of which are court mandated. I have full custody and he has visitation. That being said, because he’s always epically broke, he takes our daughter one extra night (totally 3 nights a week) to “help out”. Fine. Whatever.
Now he’s changed his visitation days 4 times now. 4. Every time he loses his job (usually due to him being fired) and gets another pizza job he changes it so he can have her on his days off. Fine. However, it gets annoying working my life around his schedule all the time. The most recent arrangement is he has her Monday-Wednesday Morning and then Saturday night. I agreed to this one purely because the Monday and Tuesday save me nearly $100 in childcare. He knows this.
So apparently he has yet ANOTHER kid floating around in Colorado. He’s been talking about going out there for a paternity test for a few months. He drops the bomb on me that he’s going the weekend of the 14th, which loses me out $100 of childcare. I inform him that if he’s going to do that that he’s got to pay the difference seeing as how he’s supposed to be helping out with childcare and I can’t afford to go to work with out it. He threw a fit. How it’s not his responsibility to pay. Yeah. Douche-bag.
THEN. While I’m at work today he drops the bomb again. (This is the second time it’s come up. Court kept him hear last time) He wants to move to CO soon. Says we can work out an arrangement. IE fly Noodle out there for holidays. He wants to sit down and talk.
I lost it. I told him I would NOT be sitting down to talk. I would NOT agree to that unless it’s court ordered. He proceeds to throw a fit. Just like last time. How it’s more important to find work out there then it is to stay here the state where two of his children are.
I am so beyond done. I am so beyond pissed. I can’t believe he’s pulling this shit again. I’m so tired of him not stepping up to the plate and being a damned grown up. I’m tired of shouldering this parenting gig on my own. I mean hell, I rock at it, I love my daughter but it would be nice not to have to cover for his ass all the time. If he actually does run away to Colorado, how am I going to deal with Noodle’s broken heart?
I guess I just don’t understand. I don’t think I ever will. But as always I’ll continue to be the strong woman I know I am, I’ll continue to shoulder the world and keep trucking on. Only this time? I’m going to be a mega bitch… and Tim’s catching the wrath.