Here, have some coffee with that STFU.

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Being single can be a lot of fun.  It can.  I mean, I’m more independent than most people can handle and I like my space.  A lot.  This is the longest stretch that I’ve been single so far, I got out of my first after-separation-relationship almost a year ago, and was legally divorced right before that.  I’ve been separated from the douche-bubble that is my ex-husband for almost two years now.

Before that it was just a whirlwind of relationships and dating.  I never had the opportunity to be single, I never had my first apartment to myself.  My boyfriends always lived with me, that’s just the way it was, and it’s not that I regret them, I just regret not living my life a little bit.  Every girl should be on their own for a while, live life single, relish in the fact that if they want to watch Grey’s Anatomy naked and paint their toenails at the kitchen table they can.

So like I said.  I’ve been single for a while and working on fixing my life.  There’s been a few trysts here and there that back fired in my face big time, but hey I was entirely new to the single/dating scene so whatev.  No Foul.  I had to get my shit together anyway.  There’s no room for dating when you need to improve your life.  Improving your life is what comes first always, and that can’t be accomplished when you have a relationship in the forefront of your mind.  At least in my opinion anyway.

I’m finally at the point in my life where I feel like I’m getting to where I want to be.  Things seem to be falling into place after all that hard work from the past few years.  I’m on the right path and am pretty content with life.  Once that realization set it (I started getting an inkling a couple of months ago) I realized that I was getting sick of the “single life”.  I started to put myself out there, and made it well aware that I am NOT looking for any more one night stands, that I am not looking for the infamous friends with benefits.  To put it bluntly, at risk of sounding like I have a huge ego, if I wanted those, I just have to snap my fingers.  I realized that in the grand scheme of life, I’m worth more than that (5 words to live by) and I want more than that.

There is just one problem.  I have no idea what I’m doing!  This dating thing is so over my head I feel like I should be licking a window and wearing a helmet.  Which I do half the time anyway.  :)  Seriously though.  I’m not sure what to do here, and half of me wants to stop putting in effort.

It seems like in this society, the roles have changed.  I’ve been told I’m a bit more traditional than most, which I pride myself in.  Hell, I’m a hopeless romantic and proud!  In my head I shouldn’t have to do all the “chasing”, some but not all.  I am enough of a post-feminist that I’ll definitely be the girl who asks the guy out to dinner, but is it too much to ask to have a guy ask me?  It seems like these days, thanks to societal norms changing, once a girl asks you out, the burden is lifted, the man no longer has to put that much effort in.  Frankly?  I think I grow bored of these dating games.  I get bored with chasing a guy in a circle trying to figure out mutual feelings and the next expected step.  I don’t like playing games in regards to the rest of my life and playing games in the dating scene is not on my to-do list.

What it comes down to, is that I tried.  I did my chasing.  It hasn’t really seemed to get me anywhere.  I acted in a way that skewed my standards.  I haven’t been acting how I want, I’ve been trying to live up to societies values and enter dating normalcy instead of going about things the way my heart tells me to.

So I’m back to the old me.  I’m still “out there”, I’ll still be there, but my standards are important to me.  I know what I want, and that’s a prize these days, and I’m not wavering off my path to play these games.  I’m a sit back and see kind of girl.  I’m a go with the flow kind of girl. I’m not a chase you around town kind of girl.  I’m good, if a guy wants me, they can show interest.  It’s a two-way street.  Ladies, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  You’re worth it.

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One thought on “Here, have some coffee with that STFU.

  1. Hey,
    I love the overall message of your post! I could definitely learn something if i could only always remember “I am worth more than that.”
    Good luck! I hope prince charming finds you, sweeps you off your feet and pays for dinner.
    Thanks!
    -S.

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