From now on, gunna start holding my breath when you come around.

Standard

Hand over my mouth, I’m earning the right to my silence.

Sorry.  Today is filled with Incubus.  Today is filled with music in general, just like any other day.

This weekend so far has been a blast.  Filled with dancing, good friends, and wonderful realizations.  Plenty of realizations.  Said realizations all eventually relate back to “5 Words”.

You’re worth more than this.

All in all, as I sit here with Noodle, watching her play with her play-doh kit, I realize what I have with in my grasp.  I finally have the life I want to have.  I’m still missing a couple things, but finally I have happiness.  I have a smile first thing in the morning, and as I lay down at night.  How far I’ve come in the past 10 years shocks me to no end.  I’m still just as much of a trouble maker as I’ve always been and I don’t think that will stop anytime soon, but things are in order.

As I looked around this weekend, I surveyed what I thought my “wants” were.  What I thought I wanted if not needed in my life.  I watched.  I pondered.  I smiled.  These things, these people, aspects of life, while I’d love to have them in my life, I don’t need them, and half of all that nonsense isn’t what I NEED.

I’m worth more than that.

Sitting on the deck last night, with the company of a good person I listened to the lives of other people.  Listened to what was going on around me.  Listened to the problems, the drama, the issues.  I read my texts.  I watched others’ stories unfold out in front of me and chuckled.  This is what is the end goal?  This is what people enjoy?  Fist fights with exes?  Jealousy regarding others?  All of it was negative.  Everything.  All anyone was talking about (short of a few people) was negative crap.  I got asked a couple of times why I wasn’t talking.  Frankly, I had nothing to say.  I had no part in any of it.  I was content drinking my drink, sporadically dancing and enjoying the arm over my shoulder.  I didn’t need more than that and the enjoyment in the thought of picking up my daughter today to be happy.  I didn’t want part of that nonsense.

Life is good.  Annnd, I’m brewing some chocolate cofffee.  I’m out.

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