Oh. My. God. I am dedicating this beer to my lovely 4-year-old who “saved the doggies” because “they had pretend owwies”.
This is one of those days that I laughed at the same time as I thought about eating my young. Noodle is honest to god lucky her daycare did her hair in pigtails today… Nature makes our children cute so that way we don’t kill them. It’s like a defense mechanism. Just like cats have claws…. and equally annoying.
So I’m standing there. Looking at my two mutts COVERED in band-aids and the huge pile of wrappers just shaking my head.
It took me half an hour to pull 30 band-aids out of the dogs fur. I got snapped at twice and knocked over by star four times. All the while Noodle quietly reads her Curious George book. Every time the dogs growled at me for pulling out chunks of band-aid/hair I glared at her from across the room.
As soon as I finish and toss the mutts out in the backyard, she runs up to me whimpering.
Mom, I need a band-aid!
Sweetie, you used all of them on the girls.
Moooooom, I have an owwie!!!
Noodle, I can’t even see the owwie.
But it huuuurts, ow Mommma!
I need a bandaiiiid now. Im bleeding. You saiid to tell you if Im bleeding.
Only if I’m bleeding or you can see my boooneees.
Backfire. I can’t see blood Noodle.
I can! Pretend!
So I did what any mother would do who was counting down minutes until bedtime. I made a fucking band-aid out of scotch tape and gauze.
For a cut I couldn’t even see.
And I didn’t eat my offspring.