“Start speaking, you’re mind reading, you can’t keep me, I’ll be leaving. Don’t let me get away, Don’t let me get away.”
My mind is all over the place tonight. It has been all evening, and I really don’t have any idea what started it. Frankly, I could use someone to mull some mind-fucking-shit over with, but alas, hello blog, I can’t express myself with words so here I am yet again.
The messed up part? I wrote that last paragraph 10 minutes ago. I’m having trouble finding the words even with this medium. That’s rather unsettling even for me. I write every day, granted I don’t publish even half of what I have saved on here, but still I can almost always get the crazy bits out on paper.
I don’t know, I guess I’m in a melancholy mood more than anything. Today was an average day but my thoughts have been strange. I mean, it’s hard to explain.
I guess everything is alright, much better than yesterday anyway. Noodle didn’t have any meltdowns (besides headbutting someone in pre-school) and my day was unremarkable. I just feel… alone. I wish I had someone here to have coffee and just talk, or hell even a phone call. I’m not sure why but I’m craving human interaction… and I mean of the intelligent sort.
Not just any kind. Cause otherwise I’d be at the pub.
(20 minutes later)
Fuuukk it. I’m just going with random thoughts on this one.
So when I woke up this morning, I grabbed my coffee and stepped out on the stoop to clear my head. It was gorgeous out, the sun was rising, the birds were waking up, the air smelled like dirt and the roses next to me. It was a morning I would normally cherish, instead I felt completely small and for lack of better terms, lonely. I guess sometimes, you just need someone sitting by you to enjoy those moments. I’m just glad it’s not all the time… glad I’m more solitary than anything.
If it wasn’t for my music (moved on from VersaEmerge to Blindside… shoot me), I’d most likely be in a worse mood. “What if I could reach inside, to take a deeper breath, it’s alright”
Moving on. Went to the doctor’s today. Not really all that productive. Just some different meds for some infection. I actually kind of miss my immune system, haha, my health misses it anyway. I’m tired of being sick all the time. It’s starting to piss me off. My running is down from 4 mi (taking it easy) to 1.5. Starting to get irritated. I had gained some weight though, stuffing my face at work helped with that one. However. A bad round with Crohns took it right off. Lost that and then some. Body fail.
Out of nowhere my head just cleared. I guess a quick work out and bed. I can’t write for shit today anyway.