The Difference.

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I spent this afternoon relaxing, I sat on my front step, watched my kid and all the neighbor’s kids play.  I drank my tea and read more of a very good book.  I enjoyed the breeze and talked with my so-called-adopted family (neighbors to the left).  I watched life pass me by.

This afternoon I was content despite my current life’s situation.  Despite all the stress and disease, despite the loss of friends and interaction, I was content.  I am content.  I plan on spending my evening curled up with my cup of tea, writing and delving into my book.

I got a phone-call about an hour ago.  One of my boys found me a babysitter and wanted me to come out drinking.  I declined, instead I offered him a bonfire and some beers in the yard.  He declined.  No big deal.  Then I hopped on facebook.  Everyone and their mother is at the bar tonight, which is fine, it’s Friday night after all.  It just occurred to me that I’m content being in tonight.  It occurred to me, that it seems like I’m the only one who is actually okay with being in.

I don’t know quite what I’m getting at here.  Today is one of those days that I feel different than everyone else.  Don’t get me wrong here folks, I love a good night out dancing, but not every night.  Staying in or stopping by a friends house is good too!  I guess I just hear it a lot, you know, everyone’s plans.  Most of which sound great!  I love hearing about trouble I can get into, but when it comes to my life, my priorities, no one seems to be on the same level.

Which makes me.. I guess in the end.. a tiny bit more alone than I was before.  Which isn’t a bad thing, but good god, what I wouldn’t give some days to have someone to chat with over coffee… talk about the books we’ve read and what music we’ve discovered.  I miss that.  I miss having input about something not regarding relationship drama, drinking, and fighting.

I’ve had some friends in the past who were similar in regards to my taste.  Two passed away, and the others, well, we drifted apart.  Now?  I don’t know really too many people who even read lol.  Much less listen to anything I haven’t already listened to.  Even less than that people who like hanging out over a cup of coffee.  There’s a couple I guess, but everyone is so wrapped up in the negativity of their lives, whether it be work related or relationship related (which trust me I’m right there with everyone else) that they all forget to take a couple hours for themselves.  I miss those friends, I do, but you can’t force anything.  This I’ve learned over the years.

I think my biggest wish, more than even my health, is to live in a house, surrounded by woods on the outside, covered in books on the inside, with someone as passionate about life as myself next to me.  Ho Hum.  Back to my books.

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2 thoughts on “The Difference.

  1. I Read!! A lot. Especially now that I am not working and still need a lot of down time. I don’t live near you, but we could do a read along thingy… Read the same book, have coffee and Skype. (or the new G-thingy or Facebook?)
    I realize this may sound lame, but I echo your loneliness and like you am unsure of where to physically turn for comfort, maybe talking and I don’t know… Getting to know someone new? could alleviate some of that.
    Let me know if this suggestion didn’t make you cringe with the creeps! :P
    xo-S.
    p.s. I read your last post when you posted and was almost in tears… Okay, I was in tears. There seems like I have so much to say to you, and yet when I pull up the comment page my words just jumble. But I wanted you to know that I can empathize with the surgery bit… Let me know if you want some tips, or to hear my experience. Best.

  2. Hey girl, I would love to do some kind of read-along thingy. :) I don’t have a webcam (and I’m actually pretty much positive that my laptop is only held together by duct-tape now) but we can do something through our emails. Either way I’m just a big ole book nerd. <3

    I know how it is trying to "say something" in response to someone else's blog. Sometimes I sit there and stare at the box, type something, delete it, type something, delete it, then type "feel better". Haha, sometimes it's just hard. :) Send me an email when you can! I work days, but I'm usually around sooooomewhere at night.

Reply, do it, you know you want to!

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