Pride. It’s a good thing.


I’ve come a long way in the past 10 years, a very, very long way.  My teenage years were horrible, and 90% of the problems that occurred were my very own doing, and of course my fault.

By 16 I had completely moved out of my Dad’s house after making his life hell for a couple of years and dropping out of school.  I was so convinced I could make it on my own, well you know what?  My Dad was right, I continued fucking up.  I worked, sure, but I also spent my waking hours drinking, having sex and wasting my hard-earned money.  I slept at friend’s houses and shelters, sometimes parks and alley ways.

The sad part is?  I was content.  That was good enough for me.  Luckily enough, I met a man named Adam, who convinced me I was worth a hell of a lot more than that life I was leading.  I moved back home, started my GED, but still was not acting right.  I became pregnant when I was 17 years old.  The father of the baby decided that he did not want to be a Dad, so he bolted and I was left with a decision.

I chose adoption, it took many weeks, but I had to take a nice long hard look at my life and decide whether or not I was fit to raise a child.  When it came down to it?  I sure as hell wasn’t.   Sure I had been making strides, but they weren’t enough.

After my son was born and moved into his new house, I moved back out of the house.  I decided to play grown up and live with my then boyfriend.  I did good for  while, two jobs, bills paid, but eventually those fell through and things just weren’t working out.  So back in the hole I went.

Then I met my ex-husband Tim.  We all know that story.  Towards the end of our marriage, when Noodle was around 2, I realized I was still not in the position to be the best parent I could be.  I was in an abusive marriage, with no formal education or income of my own.  It was time to get out.

Now days?  I have a steady job, I am a better parent (despite my ex running away and Crohns Disease), and I have a future.  Things can only continue to get better as long as I keep trucking.

I’ve been thinking about this all day.  I had made a mistake last month and drove drunk.  Barely drunk.  But it cost me.  I got a DUI and am now paying for my actions.  My license will be suspended for a short time, but it’s what I deserve.  I had court this morning for it, and was kind of stressed but then I’ve realized what I’ve already lived through.  I’ve been through hell and back and rebounded to make my life a million times better.

Sure I made a costly mistake, but this is nothing compared to the past, and very minor in comparison.  I am sorry for my mistakes, but know this is just another bump in the road, another life lesson, and another way to improve myself.  This whole experience will teach me not to take my license or my ability to drive for granted, but also will teach me greater responsibility.  Like I said, a learning experience.

Even with the DUI, my life is still improving as I’m deciding what to go back to school for, I’m not sure if I’m going to continue my business degree or not, but either way I’d like to go back at the very latest by Spring (Winter) semester.  I’m working hard at a job I love, and enjoying every minute of life.

I think my hospital stay last week reminded me that life is short and not to dwell on the the stupid crap that happens.  Mistakes happen, that’s only one part of your life, there is much more I can do and much more I can enjoy.

So, despite my mistakes, I am full of pride.  I am very proud of who I am and what I have accomplished, especially due to my age and the deep dark hole I crawled out of.

I guess the point to all this is to get everyone to realize that life isn’t that bad no matter what, and with a tiny bit of effort, the only way you can go is up.  :)


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