Your True Self

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So I am sitting here, watching Finding Nemo (again) with Noodle and of course my mind started to wander.  There is only so many times you can watch a children’s movie before you completely zone out… every time… with in 20 seconds.

I was thinking about “Self”.  As in who we all really are, how we portray ourselves and the connection between the two.  While watching the self-destruction of an old friend of mine and the lies that person is telling to cover up the truth, I started thinking about what I cover up.

You know, I’d like to say I’m open as a book, but I do have some issues.  I guess no one is perfect.

So this is confession time, Enjoy!

– I come off as overly confident in myself, outgoing, even egotistical.  Now while all of those are true, I do get self-conscious at times.  I do have days where I am self-conscious of my body.  My weight fluctuates so much, even more so now that I’m living on steroid that I never seem to have clothing that fits and I never seem to remember what my body really looks like.  Trust me, gaining and losing 20lbs every couple of months really does a job on ones skin.

– I seem comfortable in front of people.  I always say I’m a people person but in all do reality, while I do great in big groups or in crowds, when it comes to one on one conversations, I struggle.  I feel like a socially awkward teenager again.  I’ve been working on expressing myself more, but I still feel… odd.

– I make a big deal about waiting to be in a relationship, that you can not really know someone in a couple of weeks, so why commit yourself so early?  While I still stand by that point, a little part I leave out is that I’ve turned into a commitment phobe.  Even when I find a wonderful guy, which has happened a couple of times now, I convince myself that I’ll just get hurt.  I tend to think that they’ll all turn out like Tim did.  I mean hey, he seemed like a great guy in the beginning, and well.  Yeah.  So I guess not only am I Chronically Single, I’m also damaged goods.

What are some things you hide about yourself?

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9 thoughts on “Your True Self

  1. I’ll give you one. I like chaos. Well, I’m starting to. Blame The Joker. It’s actually harming an important relationship as I type. But the best part about it is I’m completely fearless

  2. It was rhetorical. As far as the person goes, I was just questioning her love for me because I want it to match mines. The question should be,”why so not fearless?” Think of unrestricted freedom. That’s the Joker. I don’t want no inhibitions which will allow me to do impossible and complex things. But I don’t want to lose a loved one over it. But it’s almost as if Joker has taken control of my thoughts.

  3. It sounds like in your quest to live life (which trust me, I’m right there with you, Chronic Illness makes you rethink your life real quick. Am I happy yet? Yes and No.) you’ve come to the crossroads of Accomplish and Is it worth it?

    I think the only thing I can say, which you may argue, is that anything is possible. If you want something so bad, if you want two different things bad enough that your insides burn, you can find a way to make things work out.

    Good Luck Har-Old.

Reply, do it, you know you want to!

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