“I never thought about no future, it’s just a roll of the dice”
“Reach for the sky because tomorrow may never come”
It’s almost a flaw, I’ve been told, to aim my arrows so incredibly high. To set my own personal goals, hopes and dreams as high as the sky. I spend the majority of my time with my head in the clouds, but the flaw? Those dreams? Those standards I set myself to? Nothing stands in my way when it comes to achieving them. Nothing. I suppose that’s why some people view it as a flaw. I’m insatiable. Nothing is good enough, sure things are going up, life is good, but it’s not nearly enough to satisfy my heart and my mind.
I’ve been told that I’ll destroy myself trying to attain my dreams, that my nerves will be the death of me because of how hard I push myself. You know, that very well might be true, but quite honestly? I don’t understand why it’s a negative aspect to push myself hard and attain what I want. I always thought it was human nature to want more. To want better. To reach for something that the rest of the world deems unattainable.
The way I figure it, why not try? Why not do whatever is in your power to get to where you want to be? Why shouldn’t I want the life I dream of? The feeling inside my heart that says it’s okay, you’re where you’re supposed to be. Sure, there is that distinct possibility that I may never reach that place in my life where I have everything, or damn near everything that I’ve been busting my ass for, but I guess what it is is that at the end of the day, I feel like I’ve worked hard enough, that I’ve tried hard enough to reach my goals. Like the song says, reach for the sky because tomorrow may never come.
So what I guess it comes down to, is that I’ve been pondering if I’ve been going hard enough or if I’ve hit another stalemate. I’m honestly pretty content with life, but if it came down to one of those moments we all dread, where we’re lying there facing life or death, would I be happy with how hard I’m trying? I thought so, but lately I’ve been questioning myself. I think that a lot of it comes from switching my end goals again. Not all of them, sure I still aspire to be dictator of the world, but in the mean time? Teacher? Business? Self-Employed? Where do I want to go in the next twenty years. I think not knowing that is kind of holding me back, in many facets. School-wise, savings-wise, etc. I think because I don’t have a exact direction that I’m not reaching as high as I could be. Besides that final destination in my career, I’ve pretty much been checking off my to-do list. There’s only a few more things left for this year that I haven’t attained and I’m sure as hell close.
The question is: Then what?
I don’t know.