Goodbye my Almost Lover

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This is an open letter to all of my Old Loves and all of my Almost Lovers;

Dear You,

I’ve spent years growing, changing and becoming the person I am today. You broke my heart, over and over again.  I’m re-learning how to date again, I’m re-learning trust and compassion.  I’m re-learning touch and affection.  Each heart-break taught me valuable lessons, while they cost me many tears, I learned more about the world and ultimately myself.  I want to thank you all for helping me become the person I am today, all of my flaws included.

You. You taught me that I should expect respect from my boyfriends family.  Your family treated me with the upmost respect even when you were too busy thinking with your dick.  The best thing I learned from you, wasn’t actually from you.  It was from your Dad.  Your dad taught me that even as a girlfriend, no one should disrespect me.  He taught me that I had a role in the household and there for no could talk down to me.  He taught me that you should have stood up to your other family members but in the mean time he did it for you.  He taught me that my boyfriend should defend me and stand behind me.

You.  You taught me to value working class ethics.  You taught me that a man should work hard.  I watched you work two jobs as I worked two jobs.  You busted your ass, even if it was just to make sure I couldn’t give you shit.  You paid your bills, you paid your way, I didn’t have to cover for you.  You taught me to value working with my hands, you taught me to respect others who do the same.  You reinforced the idea that anything I wanted to achieve I could through hard work.  You taught me by doing it yourself.  You also taught me that that same hard work has to go into a relationship.

You.  You taught me that it’s okay to be dominant.  You taught me that sometimes my personality is too strong.  You also taught me that sometimes I have to sit back and let someone else take the wheel.  You taught me that sometimes I do have to “drive”.  You taught me to try to even myself out, even if I don’t succeed.  You taught me that the effort is what matters.

You.  You taught me honesty.  You taught me to be truthful and expect the truth.  You taught me that some people hide their feelings.  You taught me that sometimes, no matter how much you try, you still love someone else.  You taught me heartbreak, almost lover, you taught me that sometimes wanting someone you can’t have is even more painful than any break up.  You taught me that a kiss and kind words don’t always convey the truth.  You taught me that people lie and omit.  You taught me to raise my standards.

You.  You taught me pain.  You taught me that violence is not acceptable, especially from someone who loves you.  You taught me strength.  You taught me fearlessness.  You taught me courage.  You taught me patience.  You taught me forgiveness.  I forgive you.

You.  You taught me that I can’t wait.  I can’t put chances off because they won’t always be there.  You taught me that I have to seize the moment and take his hand.  You taught me that I can only make someone wait so long before they give up.  You taught me to see what is standing right in front of me.  I learned that as you slipped through my fingers.

You.  You taught me how to let go.  You taught me that no matter how much I love someone I cannot stand in the way of their dreams.  You taught me that it’s up to you to include me or even choose me, but that I need to stand aside and support you.  You taught me that fate is real and we just weren’t meant to be.  You taught me to never regret the past, you taught me to cherish the memories.  You taught me to live in the moment.

I am who I am because of all of you.  I learned how to love myself when no one else seemed to.  I learned to raise my standards and dream.  I learned to stand alone when needed to be, and I learned to let go when I had to.  I learned to start again because of you.  Thank you.

 

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