What a week. What a fucking week. Mine isn’t technically over yet, I still have my last DUI class tomorrow, but then the relaxation starts. After this week though? If I wasn’t completely comfy in my kitchen with my tomato soup, grilled swiss cheese sandwich (yes seester dearest, it’s delish!) and the kids in the front room watching a movie I’m pretty sure I’d have killed someone by now.
It’s just been one of those weeks, nothing horrible happened, it was just long and tedious. Frustrating issues at work, lack of sleep, Crohns still acting up, you know, the little shit that just annoys the crap out of you until you want to throat punch your own grandma. That aside, I got a lot done this week. Court, Doctor crap (next week’s going to BLOW), work stuffs, house stuffs, and hashing out some crap in my own head. Plus I got to spend plenty of time with the boy. (whom by the way earned himself many a points by cooking me dinner (again) and helping me with odd jobs around the house)
So I think I’ve come to terms with going on Remicade. My first infusion is scheduled for this coming Wednesday. I’m still nervous, but I’m okay with it now. Obviously this is the logical next step. Pentasa, Entocort, Prednisone, Humira, among others have long stopped controlling my Crohn’s Disease or my fistula. Diet, Exercise, and lifestyle changes (no, I haven’t managed to quit smoking yet… that’s on the menu as soon as I get my driving privileges back- the week of Sept 24th) do help the Crohn’s disease symptoms, but nothing seems to be healing this fistula. I’m trying to avoid surgery at all costs, so this is next. So wish me luck boys and girls!
I’ve also managed to completely get over the whole Tracy and Jason thing. Sure, I still wish I could get the money they owe me back, it would really help out now, but being angry isn’t going to do anything but waste my time. I’ve left it up to Karma, I’m a firm believer in it, hence why I spend so much time trying to put good energy out there and not dwell on/or involve myself in the bad. If you wrong someone or act negatively, it’ll come back to bite you. It may take a while, but it will. Hopefully when they have to deal with it they’ll learn a lesson, all I want from them is a tiny ounce of remorse. Other than that I hope they both get to where they want to be in life.
Other than all of that nonsense I’ve just been living. Doing my best to plow through this DUI stuff and focus on my life. Staying in (mostly) has done wonders. I’ve definitely learned who my real friends are and reinforced those friendships and have gotten a lot of work done on my house. It’s definitely a bonus that I’ve got to spend plenty of time with Ryan, who I’m sure is getting sick of me, but either way that makes me smile.
You know, I honestly thought I’d *hate* staying in so much and not being able to drive, but quite honestly? The only thing that I dislike about it is, or rather was, having to worry about my rides to work, but even that has worked out in my favor and I got a friend out of the deal. I actually look forward to spending my weekends relaxing at home with my kiddo, and have only gone stir crazy once. If I want out, I can find a ride, in the mean time, I cherishing spending time at home. I honestly think that once I start driving again in a couple of weeks this trend will continue. Especially once I go back to school to finish my degree. I guess in a way this DUI has kind of set me straight. Or rather made me grateful for the things I do have like my kiddo, good coffee, and a cozy home to come home to (among many other things). Plus this time at home has been letting me sort through some issues in my own head and decide what paths I want to jog down in life, as in school/career choices, relationships (love and otherwise), and hobbies. Plus, in another way it’s given me a break from the hustle of my life. Don’t get me wrong, life is still hectic as all get out, but in a different way.
I don’t know. I think I sound like a prozac commercial, but in the last few months I’ve been waking up smiling and going to bed smiling. I’ve got great direction, great people and happiness in my life. Finally, after all these years, despite things not being perfect, I am at peace.