I was always the girl who thought the glass was half empty. Actually, fuck that. The glass was empty, I drank it all, lets break the glass! My view was pretty much – if you expect the worst, when things go your way you’re thrilled. Things had gone wrong for so long, that I just expected the worst.
Looking back, I’m pretty sure that mindset was fueling my anxiety disorder. I would think of all the things on my plate and automatically assumed that the worst would happen. Then I’d proceed to get worked up about it and then break down. No, not healthy in the least, but that’s how I’ve been for years, and I never made an attempt to change it. Why bother? No matter how hard I work, I may get my desired end result, true, but along the way? It’s going to suck.
Like I said, glass fucking empty.
Then apparently there was a switch in my life. I’m not sure what it was, but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that it’s a combo between my health, meeting Ry, and my family. Regardless, I started waking up happy on a daily basis. I started smiling through out the day, I started chasing my hopes and dreams with a new energy that I didn’t recognize.
Today, while on my way to the DMV, I was listening to some of my favorite tunes and just singing along. I eventually spaced out and started thinking about what I had to do. All the things on my plate and the obstacles I face. I thought about the remaining court date (to wrap up the DUI). I thought about my bills. I thought about the work I needed to do on the house. I thought about my car’s current problem. I thought about my declining health and the meds I’m on now. All of that though? Fleeting. My answer to every single one of those? Those of you that know me from years past, hell even last year will shit yourself.
Each one of those I answered with “I’ll figure it out, I always do. It’ll be alright.” and that was the end of it. That was the end of the train of thought. Sure I have game plans on it, but for once I wasn’t dwelling on everything. I just placed my faith in the idea that things will be okay, one way or another, and moved on. That. That right there. Positivity. I think after all these years, my glass is half full.
In all due reality, things really aren’t that bad.
I mean sure, I have some financial problems at the moment, but who doesn’t in this economy. Now that I have my car back I can be at work as much as possible, not to mention save at least $100 a paycheck on transportation.
My health? Well, the Crohns is far from in check, but as you all know I’m getting infusions and taking 6mp to help boost that. The side effects? They suck, but it’s better than prednisone, and I’m sure I’ll start to feel better soon. My hair is starting to thin, but I’m praying that it won’t get too bad, but it seems to be a common side-effect of the 6mp (and sometimes Remicade), and as I told Ry, my genetics graced me with too-thick hair, so I’ve got quite a bit to spare.
The DUI? Pretty much done. I’m driving again, the last court date is coming up and that part of my life is slowly moving behind me. I am grateful it happened though, it taught me a lot about friends and taught me to appreciate my house more. Not to mention showed me to really watch what I do, .082 can really mess up a persons life. One of the best life lessons I have had yet.
Noodles dad? I reached out, I emailed his sister, my friend emailed his girlfriend. He knows that we’re looking for him and I’ve filed for child support. The rest is out of my hands. I did some thinking on that and I’m really glad he’s gone and I hope he stays gone. He’s no good and a bad influence, not to mention Noodle doesn’t need a Dad to pop in when he feels like it, or when his loses a girlfriend who will stop giving him a free ride. I seriously hope we never hear from him again. I feel horrible for Noodle’s loss, but we’re both better off with out him.
Life is hectic, sometimes when things get a little crazy, we tend to forget the good things we have in our lives. I try and do my best to remember them daily, but even with that effort, I still find myself taking things for granted.
I need to remember to be grateful for the job I have. The pay is enough to get by on, and I wake up in the morning and don’t dread going to work. Sure there is tough days, but I spend the majority of my time there smiling or laughing for whatever reason. I have job, much more importantly a job I like which is extremely rare in this economy. I’m going on 6 months there this next month, and I hope to spend many more there.
I have a wonderful family. I have the support on all ends from my Dad, Step-ma, and siblings. I don’t see them nearly as much, but since they’re cook-county dwellers, I’ll let that slide. I’m lucky to have family that cares enough to read my blog and lurk my facebook. I lucky I have such a great group of people who love me.
On that note, over these past few months, I’ve really figured out who my friends are. Thinned the herd so to speak, and I love each one of those relationships like no tomorrow. From my girls all over the continent (CafeMom), to my friends who are too far to do anything but call. To my friends who stop over for coffee, and my friends who have helped me out for no other reason than to be a good person. I cherish each and every one of them.
Ry. Welp. You all saw the break-fast in bed blog. I have a boy who spoils the ever living christ out of me, a boy who doesn’t seem phased by all my health problems. I have a boy who makes me happy. ‘Nuff said. (Reference this blog when they find his body somewhere… INNOCENT I SWEAR :D)
Of course, I have my daughter. Who is currently curled up on my couch watching Fraggle Rock (thanks Beckie!). She is my world, she annoys the crap out of me on a daily basis, but she’s half of me… we knew that would happen! Her hug and “I love you mama” at the end of each night is why I push so hard at life. :)
So much so that I’m making myself nauseous.