Dear Deadbeat,

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Dear Tim,

Well, we still haven’t heard from you.  It’s been almost 6 months since the last time you called your daughter.  7 months since you left.  You promised Noodle you were only going for a little while then coming back.  You promised her you would call her constantly.  You promised me you’d finally make your first child support payment, since obviously you moving cross country would make me a full-time single mom.  So far?  Nothing.

You have no idea how much she cried for the first two months.  It was a daily thing.  Especially after you stopped answering the phone.  She’d ask for you at night, she’d ask for me to call you, but you never answered.  She asked if she could go to your house, but I told her you were working, which is what you told us.

Slowly, she stopped crying every day, but trust me, after 7 months, she still cries because she misses you at least once a week.  She has always asked where you went and when you were coming back, when you’d call.  I always told her that you were working, that you’d call soon, and you’d come see her soon.

So this evening her and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking while she ate her dinner.

Mom, I wanna show Daddy my new Hello Kitty Slippers.

Sure baby, that’s fine.

When he comes back right?

Yes baby, when he comes back.

Mommy, Daddy has been gone a long time, gone in Colorado. When is he coming home, I want to go to Daddy’s house. 

I don’t know kiddo.  I don’t know.

He’s been gone a long time though mama, I miss my Daddy.  When is he coming to get me?

— Well, Tim, after not calling for half a year, I’ve decided to stop lying to our daughter. —

I don’t think he is kiddo.

But he said he’d come back. 

No baby, he lives in Colorado now.

He can’t live there, he said he was coming back.  I want my Daddy to come back.  Can he still come back mom?

He can come back, but I don’t think he wants to.  I don’t think he’s coming back baby.

So Daddy lied?  Daddies can lie?  Daddy isn’t coming back?

Yeah Noodle, Daddies can lie, and he might come back, but I don’t think so.

….

You okay buddah?

Yeah I’m just sad.  Daddy made me sad. 

It’ll be okay kiddo.  I promise.

 

After I emailed your sister, and my friend contacted your new girlfriend I realized you were scum.   Both of which were made aware of the entire situation, and still nothing.  So yes, Tim, I told the truth.  I told your daughter not to check the windows anymore, you aren’t coming back.

Frankly though?  We’re just fine.  I just have to work a little bit harder to provide everything she needs, but I’m okay with that.  I would much rather work harder than her have a Dad that doesn’t care enough to even call.  She’s better off with out you, and one day she’ll realize that.

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17 thoughts on “Dear Deadbeat,

  1. The whole thing still sickens me, I just do not get people. I just can’t imagine, I mean weekly I still go through the speal with the boy and his step-sister. He comes up to me out of the blue asking why his sissy is always too busy working ot call him or see him… I can’t imagine it being his father I was lying for.

    You’re right about all that you told her, but you don’t need me to tell you that. I don’t know if it counts since I’m only a friend and all… but I’m proud of you. <3

    • :(. I have some issues of my own. My mother passed away when I was in 5th grade, I remember being SO angry. I can only imagine the hurt and anger Noodle will feel when she figures out her Dad took of willingly…

  2. Mykal

    I know some people who’s partners have left them and not even bothered contacting their kids. Im always amazed that any so called father could do that.
    When I split up with my wife I did and still do everything to see my kids, I even took out new contracts and got them phones as my ex complained they were running up her phone bill calling me.
    Anyone that can do that to a child, father or mother are just a cunt in my eyes.
    Sorry for swearing there but that kind of shit pisses me off, my dad did the same to me.

    • Mykal, I know quite a few as well. It’s just baffling to me. I mean, I could never walk away from my little buddha, she means the world to me…. even when I want to duct tape her to the wall. I saw so many parents out there who had deadbeats as the other, and I guess I never figured it would happen to my kiddo. It’s nice to know that there are good dads out there though. :) Thanks for commenting.

  3. I don’t really know you very well, just from Facebook. But, I can say that your Noodle is one lucky kid. There is no harder job than being a parent. Period. Unless…because there are always exceptions…you are a single parent. And…another exception…unless you are a single parent with a dead-beat spouse (it goes both ways, both sexes are capable of dead-beatness – both of which should be beaten…if’in you as me). Your Noodle is lucky, because she has a mom that loves her and a mom who is smart, on track for a good life herself, is courageous and has her eye on the future. So, while I can’t imagine it is going to be easy for either of you, with you as her mom I’m SURE you’ll be just fine.

  4. Hi, I came across this post in a search. I’m a new single mom with a newborn, so I have no idea of what it’ll be like when my child can actually comprehend that her “dad” left us. I look to other blogs of single moms for inspiration that other people get through this and do well. Thanks for your honest post. Hearing how you feel actually makes me feel less alone. And that this is do-able.

  5. Oh, Sarah. Oh, Noodle. It had to of been one of the most heart wrenching conversation, but honestly what a mature way for her to respond. You are proving with every life’s truth you teach her that you are just fine, and she is going to be too. As always, you astound me with your strength and wisdom.
    Lots of love.
    xoxo – S.

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