Sometimes you’re stuck in a situation you don’t want to be. You look around and think to yourself “How in the HELL did I get myself in this mess?” Where things are so chaotic and you remember vowing never to be in this situation. You shake your head and embrace the feeling of running away from it, tucking tail and taking off. No contact, enjoying the pure solitude. In this situation, you feel awkward, out of place. You know you don’t belong there, you never wanted to be in it. You seek out the advice of others, and it just reaffirms your current feelings… so far. You feel stuck, smothered, like your stuck in someone else’s world. You think to yourself, Why?
Then. Then, you think about why you’re in the situation. You ponder to yourself why you would involve yourself in it if you knew you’d long to run free from the moment. You think about that reason, you think about that ‘why’ hard and long. You think about the pros and cons. You think about other’s feelings. You think about the end result. What do you want to come of it? What is the end goal? Do you think you’ll reach that? Do you think all this mess, all this mess you’ve hated time and time again is worth it? Is the endurance worth the annoyance and the ultimate feeling of “this can’t be for me?”
In this case, I’m not 100% sure. However, I’m not tucking tail and running like I had always planned on doing. I’m facing the situation head on, still hating every single moment of it, still feeling completely misplaced and isolated. I’m facing it though, I’m facing it because the end goal seems like it might be attainable. Like it might be worth it.
I’m thankful for what I have, and while I want the things I can’t because of it, for right now I’m willing to endure the situation, give it a shot. The worst that can happen? I’ll reaffirm what I already “know” and will learn from it. The best? I end up happy.