Comfort Food and Fuck You.

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I have a case of “The Mondays”.  You know, where you grumble your way through getting ready in the morning just to go to work where it feels like 8 hours is really 16.  Ahh.  Mondays.  The inevitable end to the chaos/relaxation that is the weekend (depends on which weekend it is).  I survived today, but being tired thanks to crap-sleep last night I was slightly bitchy.  Even my boss noticed, and I am normally bitchy (in a nice way) to him.  *Shrugs*  I guess that’s just the way I am on Mondays.  By the time someone has said hello to me, I’ve already killed them 3 times in my head.

This is my first job with “Banker’s Hours”.  I work Monday-Friday from 8-5pm, which quite honestly I love.  Every other job I’ve worked, from bartender to office in the hospital, has been odd shifts.  Actually having weekends off and a set schedule is phenomenal.  It’s nice knowing what I’m doing each day and being able to plan weeks in advance.  Finally this summer I’ll be able to plan my first real vacation, you know, the one I plan, pay for, and enjoy… and get paid for via vacation days at work.

Ahh, I guess the point of Mondays (to me) is to realize how good I’ve got it.  I always have these realizations as I’m sitting here eating my dinner of comfort food and relaxing while the kiddo plays.  I start out grumbling, telling the world to eat a shit pie, then end it by realizing there are people much worse off.  Hell, I could be living in my parent’s garage with 15 cats or something by now…. I need to quit my grumbling.  On that same note, I’ve got to give myself some credit… I’ve worked hella hard to get to this point in life.

I finally did come up with some goals for this year though, because I guess I can’t take a year off.  Ha.   So this year, my biggest goal is to continue paying down my debt.  I made some stupid decisions when I was younger, and had  bit of a problem staying on top of the water at first.  (Hey, gimme a break, single mom with a mortgage and chronic illness.  It can’t all be peaches, especially with her dead beat dad).   So I’ve made a pretty good break of it, and hope to have it all gone by summer (minus student loans).

Other than that continue to work on being happy.  Last year taught me a lot of lessons, and  minus a few minuscule (annoying) speed bumps this year, I’ve still managed to be happy.  I’ve made it to a good place in life and am proud of myself.

I am going to steal an idea from a co-worker.  I’m giving myself 1 year to turn my life into something either better.

This Winter/Spring, I am working on Letting Go.  Letting go in a general sense.  I’ve been weeding out the crap people in my life, and bettering myself by the day.  By letting go, I’m going to continue forgiving the morons that wrong me, I’m going to let go of stupid fights, and focus on the good relationships.  I’m going to wave good bye to the last bit of bitterness I hold onto regarding my past.  By letting go I plan on letting the past go.  Hopefully this summer I can get my related tattoo finished.

This summer?  This summer (besides spending too much time doing water sports and in the forest preserve –hopefully this year the boy can enjoy them with me) I plan on learning to live.  Crohn’s Disease kind of got me into this day to day thing.  Living to get by.  This summer I’m going to learn how to live.  ( A reminder I have to myself is my two swallows I got done – Life and Live – to remind me that there is a difference between just living and living life.)  I’m not going to go out and buy another sports car or anything (all though I do miss my stealth) but instead I will be living to be happy instead of just get through.  The key is enjoying the moments instead of just trudging through.

Then this Fall/Winter?  Trust.  Trust is everything, but trust has to be built.  I’ve had 3 people who I cared for hurt me in the past year.  Hell, longer than that.  It’s taking a while to realize that not every girl is in it for herself, won’t get pissed off when I excel in a different way than they are.  It’s taking a while to realize that it’s okay to have a best friend who I can tell the world to, not every one is going to tell their girlfriend/boyfriend everything.  It’s taking a while to realize that I can let people close to me, that not everyone will repeatedly stab me in the back.  I’m going to focus on trusting people again, I’m trying now, but I think after I learn to let go, then live life, it’ll be a bit easier.  Saving the best for last.

Mondays though?  Mondays can still eat my ass.  I could be a millionaire or a bum and I gauren-fucking-tee I’ll still hate Mondays.  Good may come out of them I guess, but I shouldn’t have to mentally kill 15 people to do it.  Bleh.  Is it Friday yet?

 

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