Don’t Drag Me Down

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When you have a chronic illness it seems like it’s a constant battle to find the right medicine.  Constantly trying new ones to see what will work so you can feel like a normal human being again.  A lot of times those medications fail and you’re back to square fucking one.  It’s frustrating, it really is, especially once you reach the mental (or physical) realization of “What medications are left for me?”

I think the worst part of this whole battle is the proverbial carrot.  (Wait for it, my fellow Crohnies, you’ll completely understand in a minute.)  The proverbial carrot, HOPE.  You try each med, just praying that this time it’ll work, that this time you’ll feel normal.  You get your hopes so high that you might not have to suffer, and sometimes?  Sometimes those hopes crash in a fiery ball of fuck you.

What’s even worse is when the meds DO work.  When you start feeling great, but it doesn’t last.  That’s what blows.  It’s disheartening really, it’s hard to comprehend.  You finally get to feeling like a normal human again, and then there it goes, right out the window.

I guess that’s life though, taking my own advice this time, I’m not letting this little flare get to me.  I’m still new to Remicade and 6mp (plus antibiotics).  Just because it’s acting up doesn’t mean that I need to panic.  The trick to surviving (mentally) a chronic disease is not letting it drag you down.

So here’s to keeping my chin up and curling up with my heating pad tonight.  :)

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